Quip & Quirk
Duração total:
36 min
"Look, millionaires - poor blokes."
Quip & Quirk
00:54
"I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything."
Quip & Quirk
01:00
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
Quip & Quirk
00:48
"When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better."
Quip & Quirk
00:52
"A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks."
Quip & Quirk
00:53
"I like women. I don't understand them, but I like them."
Quip & Quirk
00:53
"Anyone who wears jogging trousers has lost control of their life."
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01:00
"Bad decisions make good stories."
Quip & Quirk
00:53
"Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese."
Quip & Quirk
00:53
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
Quip & Quirk
00:48
"A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suade jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?"
Quip & Quirk
00:55
"The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps."
Quip & Quirk
01:00
"She thinks I’m too critical. That’s another fault of hers."
Quip & Quirk
00:47
"I hope that someday you'll know the indescribable joy of having children and of paying someone else to raise them."
Quip & Quirk
00:54
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas- people being helped by people other than me.”
Quip & Quirk
00:56
"If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, please give me money so I can buy a computer."
Quip & Quirk
00:53
"He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house."
Quip & Quirk
00:51
"In the midst of Gaulish chaos, where laughter reigns supreme, lies the chilling truth of invincible warriors with no fear."
Quip & Quirk
00:58
"It's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want..."
Quip & Quirk
01:00
"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."
Quip & Quirk
00:56
"I went to the doctor and told him 'doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up..
Quip & Quirk
00:57
"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects."
Quip & Quirk
00:47
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,.."
Quip & Quirk
01:00
"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this."
Quip & Quirk
01:00
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
Quip & Quirk
00:52
"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
Quip & Quirk
00:52
"When turkeys mate they think of swans."
Quip & Quirk
00:51
"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter..."
Quip & Quirk
00:50
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."
Quip & Quirk
00:56
"If you can dream it, you can do it."
Quip & Quirk
01:00
"I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer."
Quip & Quirk
00:47
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
Quip & Quirk
00:57
"I have the body of an eighteen-year-old.. I keep it in the fridge."
Quip & Quirk
00:52
"Being broke is a temporary situation. Being poor is a state of mind."
Quip & Quirk
00:53
"I don't really like to gamble, but if there's one thing I'm willing to bet on, it's myself."
Quip & Quirk
00:57
"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV. And when I see a symptom, I say, 'See a specialist'".
Quip & Quirk
00:49
"The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone's advice."
Quip & Quirk
01:00
I went to jail for 11 days for disturbing the peace; I was trying to disturb the peace, but I never got to disturb it.
Quip & Quirk
01:00
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Quip & Quirk
00:59
“I rang up British Telecom and said- ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said- ‘Not you again.’”
Quip & Quirk
00:59