Show cover of Spivey Loves You

Spivey Loves You

John Spivey hosts "Spivey Loves You", a weekly interview podcast where we discover new ways of thinking, living, and taking back control of life and work. We'll talk to people who found themselves in - and left - abusive relationships with sociopaths/psychopaths; people who have left cults or radically changed their views on religion; and other people who were in high control environments both at work and home. We'll just be maneuvering the tricky minefield of simply being human - together.


Brian Bouffard (Pt 2): Growing Up in a Hoarder Home
Last episode, Brian told us of some of his more interesting cases as a criminal defense attorney - currently representing a detainee in Gitmo.   In this episode, Brian gets personal and talks about his life as a child of hoarders.  Growing up in a hoarder house and carrying a burden of shame and anger - not understanding at the time the pathology behind his parents' behavior.  He tells us ways he's dealt with his past and what has helped him as he works through his traumatic upbringing, such as writing.   Initially, journaling and eventually writing poetry.  His epic poem "Escape Velocity" is both a hero's journey, like Homer's Iliad or The Odyssey, and a mechanism for catharsis.  I did my best at doing a reading of this poem - and I would invite you to read along as I read it.  Check it out below.   If you or a loved one is struggling with hoarding, there are resources for you at .Link to poem here:
50:47 12/11/2021
Brian Bouffard: What's Happening at Gitmo?
On this episode you'll learn some fascinating information about the detainees at Guantanamo Bay (Gitmo) from Brian Bouffard, a former JAG officer and current member of the Military Commissions Defense Organization (MCDO).  He’s the defense attorney for a current detainee and he gives us some history about Gitmo, info about what’s happening now, and what the future may hold.  Has our use of torture yielded any results or harmed us in the war on terror?  How many detainees are left at Gitmo? What are some legal acrobatics currently being used? As stated above, Brian is a TCU alum (Go Frogs!) and graduated from Duke University Law School.  He was a former JAG Officer - if you're unfamiliar, think Tom Cruise in "A Few Good Men".  After his service time as a Naval Judge Advocate, he was an attorney in North Texas focusing on criminal law, where he had been involved with some very interesting cases, such as the infamous "Waco Biker Shootout Case".  He tells us about his current job defending Mohammed Nazir Bin Lep, a Gitmo detainee, Here are some links that Brian shared that should add some color to our discussion - they are important reads: is a page that includes a link to a copy of Majid Khan's statement.  It is very hard to take, but for that very reason I view it as important for every American citizen to read it.  This is what our people did, and what NONE of them have been held accountable for.===================== is a fantastic primer on what has gone on, and is going on, in the military commissions.  My client is one of those charged; his name is Mohammed Nazir Bin Lep.  Everyone should care about what is being done in our name in this arena as well.===================== is the Senate Committee report on the CIA torture program.  There is a very good motion picture on this subject, called The Report, with Adam Driver and Annette Bening. 
49:24 12/04/2021
Larry Sharpe: How To Talk To The Politically Brainwashed...
Larry Sharpe is a well known Libertarian activist and 2018 New York gubernatorial candidate - and a business consultant, leadership trainer, and podcaster.  Today's political climate is a bit frightening... People are 'politically brainwashed' or at best, 'politically gaslit':  On the GOP-side, mindlessly following Qanon and a cult of personality and not a firm philosophical foundation.  Of course, the Democrats have been going down their own rabbit holes as they frequently ignore their 'progressive tenets' to prop up populists and strategies geared more towards defeating the other side than adhering to principles.How do you 'talk sensibly' to them?  How can you get your point across in these polarizing times?  How do you know YOU'RE not the one who is politically brainwashed?  LISTEN in!  Larry is total pro - and a wonderful communicator!  On top of everything, I thought his proposed improvements to the MTA (NYC's Metro Tranportation Authority) is worth the listen... I LOVED listening to him.  I promise - you get smarter every time you listen to him!  We also talk about what it means to 'be libertarian'.... Good stuff!
42:30 10/02/2021
Jessica Underwood James: MLM Nightmares!
On the next, Spivey Loves You podcast episode, I'll be talking with Jessica Underwood James, a makeup artist on movies sets - and an active crusader against Multilevel Marketing (MLM) organizations.  She has her own 'anti-MLM' podcast called The Persuasion Pitch - Check it out!In previous episodes of SLY, we've taken a look at people who've had relationships with sociopaths, psychopaths and stalkers; Had abusive cults try to control every aspect of their lives; and have been saddled with wrongheaded mindsets.  With many MLMs:They lie without a second thought to advance themselves (like a sociopath);They have little empathy for those who don't serve the "upline" (like a psychopath);They reach out and cling to every human in their path to recruit them, like a stalker;They control every waking moment of their "downline", have revival-style sales meetings with insane religious zeal, and some go door-to-door to recruit new members, like a cult.The people at the 'top of the pyramid' tell those below that they're not doing enough, they're not producing enough, they're just 'not enough'.  This is a wrongheaded belief that these members begin to adopt about themselves.With shows like Showtime's "On Becoming a God in Central Florida" and Netflix "LulaRich" exposing the dark underbelly of MLMs, we're now seeing how abusive these organizations can be.  LESS THAN 1% of MLM participants make money, according to the FTC.  Find out how to spot an MLM, what to do if you're in one (spoiler alert: GET OUT!), and hear stories of people who joined - and left - MLM's.  THANK YOU Jess for being an awesome guest! 
47:14 09/25/2021
Spivey Loves Carla! 36th Anniversary Episode
Not that we have a 'perfect marriage' at all, but I thought it might be fun to have my wife Carla on to talk about our life together - and to answer any questions you might have about marriage, love, whatever.    We talked a little more about our beginnings; some weird connections we had that we discovered years after we married; offered up some advice for newlyweds; tried to figure out how to stay 'in love' and not just 'loving the other person; talked about how we support each other through some difficult times - and how we keep things 'fresh'.  We're two EXTREMELY different people and yet are basically the same person too.  I like loud punk rock shows at crowded dive bars, Carla likes a quiet evening at home playing with her grandchild.  When Carla walks into a crowded room, she looks for the exits - When I walk into a crowded room, I look for the microphone. I love sports, Carla doesn't.  Yet - we make it work.  We have a lot of common history and have powered through a lot of really bad times.  Yeah, we've had some close calls in the past..  Listen in - I hope you have as much fun listening to it - and I hope you get as much out of it as I did when we recorded it.
57:29 09/07/2021
Ask Me Anything Part 2
Last week I bared my soul a bit answering a few personal questions.  This week, I'll address some different types of questions.  Hard hitting questions like:  Boxers or Briefs? If I could only read one book; eat at one restaurant; watch one TV show; listen to one album for one year - what would they be? Are people who like pineapple on pizza doomed to Hell? What is the GREATEST punk rock band of all time? And if I was running for president, what would my ideal campaign look like?Tune in and find out the brilliant answers to these tough questions!  Let's see if this one make it past the music blockers!
47:56 08/28/2021
S2: E3 - Ask Spivey Anything - Answers to Questions About My Life
Since I've started this podcast, I've had a lot of guests come on and at my request, tell stories about the lowest parts of their lives.  Stuff that they are -or were- ashamed about: Stories about abusive relationships; wrong-headed mindsets; battles with mental health.  I just sat there and nodded, reassured them, offered up some love - and asked more questions.Recently, I thought it might be fun to turn the tables on myself and ask my friends and listeners if they had any questions for me.  And I got a lot of great questions!  Some were 'opinion-y' questions - on music, sports, politics, foreign policy, and pizza toppings.  And a few questions were personal.The personal questions were pretty 'flattering' - basically, "How do you juggle a bunch of stuff and don't get too devastated when you get kicked in the nuts?"  I took two of those persaonal-type questions and answered them -and told some stuff that I normally never talk about: Some stuff that's not flattering about myself; How I met my wife; financial woes; bad decisions; and a victory or two... And I talk about some of the ways I turned stuff around and some of the philosophical underpinnings and practices I have that keep me going.Listen in if you want a little insight into my life - I hope it's helpful!!  I know that some of the stories of triumphing over difficulties that my guests have offered up provided some guidance for some listeners.  Maybe this one will too.  Future AMA episodes will feature questions on music, sports, politics, foreign policy, and pizza toppings.
47:43 08/21/2021
Wes: Working Through Borderline Personality Disorder
If you're like me, you've heard the term "Borderline Personality Disorder" thrown around - and didn't really have a handle on what it meant.  There's a lot of confusion, incorrect definitions, misconceptions, and biases about Borderline Personality Disorder.  I was happy to have Wes visit me at the Spivey Loves You Studios and talk about his own diagnosis with BPD - and the challenges and advances that he's made.  He'll talk about his progress as a result of his work and some great therapists -  and a relatively new angle on treating BPD called Dialectical Behavior Therapy.   He'll also touch on how he was misdiagnosed - and how they came about with a correct diagnosis.  He'll discuss how this impacts things like work, relationships, and dating.  He's an open book!If you or - if you believe a loved one - may have Borderline Personality Disorder and would like to learn more, go to The National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder at to learn more.
58:23 08/13/2021
Bob Workman - Fun Times with The Hired Gun!
Robert Workman was the #1 salesperson.  That got him fired.  Yep, it happened.  A few times.  Hey, it happened to me too!  Then Bob wrote his first book, "Hired Gun (You're #1 and Somebody Hates It)" which told about what to look out for - and WHO to look out for - when you're #1.  He also explains some of his creative sales techniques in "Hired Gun".  Example:  He used a Thompson submachine gun (a Tommy Gun) as a deal closing incentive once.  In his second book, "Selling - the Most Dangerous Game", he talks about strategies to take when the hired gun, becomes the mired gun - and eventually the FIRED gun.We spend a good deal of time talking about the wild happenings at the most insane place either of us worked at: A rollicking, hard living, hard playing, hard selling, hard-to-survive place called Westcott Communications.  Careers either took off, and money was made and good times were had - or more often, people flamed out in disgrace.   But, frequently, even those soaring to the top flamed out like Icarus.  We'll talk about those who flew too close to the sun (us included), and mention a bevy of hilarious nicknames that everyone of us 'Bulldogs' had.  Bob was known as "Dr Luv" - and I was known as... well, listen in if you want to learn my nickname.  A very few people still call me this today. In all honesty, this was a fun reunion with an old friend - my original sales mentor - and a walk down memory lane.  But really, it's more like us running shirtless, screaming down memory lane while shooting our pistols in the air and tossing the occasional Molotov cocktail.  Technical disclaimer - I had a little audio problem and we ended up just holding our mics instead of using mic stands with filters - and the air conditioning can be heard a bit, and the levels were way up, especially on my mic.  In all, I was not happy with the sound quality. My podcasting publisher has a tool that's supposed to fix the levels and remove background noises.  Let's see how it works!  If the noise is a bit, well, noisy - just act like you're at a dive bar evesdropping on our conversation, because that's the kind of place to find us spinning yarns. 
68:07 08/07/2021
Spivey Loves You - SEASON 2 - Preview
Howdy!   After three months off, I'm ready to do this again... I think.If you haven't listened before - WELCOME!  If you have - Hey, Welcome Back!In this preview of Season 2, I look back and recap Season 1 - and talk about a few format changes I'm looking to do this season.  Fun stuff!One of them will be 'Ask Me Anything' episodes -where you ask me anything and I may answer everything.  Or may not, if you're getting a little weird or whatever.  But hey, you never know what I'm going to answer!  You can go to my various social media pages on FB, Twitter, and Instagram and fire some questions my way.  Or send me some questions via email to  I'll take questions on politics, religion, all the stuff people with manners aren't supposed to talk about at parties - sports, music opinions, even personal stuff.  Everything is on the table... I already have a few interviews in the can - and some more in the wings...   So, check this out, and subscribe, like, give me good reviews, tell your friends and neighbors and just love me back.  That's all I ask.
07:22 08/01/2021
The Gala Sisters: Asexuality is "Aces" with them!
Meet Rhea and Rachel - aka The Gala Sisters.  They're 'Irish Twins':  That's any siblings that are 15 months or less apart in age. They share a lot in common - almost like actual twins.  They're total besties, they both have similar interests, got married to guys who were best friends, suffered through abusive relationships, divorced, and... both are asexual.   To the Gala Sisters, there's no sex like no sex!  Asexual folks have little to no sexual attraction to others, no sex drive - zip zero nada.   You'd think this would make them 'heroes' to the Christian Right - since they're not participating in premarital/extramarital/non-approved sex, right?  Nope.  They also face some negative bias from other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.  Listen in to find out the unique challenges that asexual folks face from every stripe of the sociopolitical spectrum.  Also find out about the different types of asexuality. Fascinating stuff.By the way, "Aces" is what many asexual folks call themselves. :-) 
47:37 04/03/2021
Ellen Coomber - Live Your 'Lush Life' and Break Out Of Your CAGE!
Ellen Coomber spent 20 years in sales and building winning corporate teams.  While it looked like she 'had it all' - climbing the corporate ladder, the sports car, the exotic trips - she felt like something was missing.  She then realized that she was actually living in a cage of her own design.  After breaking out of her cage, she set sail - literally, sailing around the world - and then launched her corporate training and executive coaching career. That's where we met. She transformed my group into a top performing organization that operated like a true team - a FAMILY - lifting each other up and killing every metric of success. She helps people to live in the creative orientation... And yes, you ARE creative - you just may have tamped down that side of your personality.  Find the thing that brings you joy and break free from the fear that traps us in a life of 'getting by'.   Check her out on this Spivey Loves You podcast episode - or at https://www.ellencoomber.comAnd click here to get info on her upcoming book The Gilded Cage 
38:41 03/27/2021
Laura Beth: Advocating for Transgender Acceptance in Churches and Faith Communities
Laura Bethany Buchleither is a Christian, Transgender, Intersex, Pastor, Master of Divinity candidate, author, musician, archery enthusiast - she's basically one of everything!  Listen to the story of her own transition and how she's fighting to transition churches and communities of faith to be more open, accepting, and affirming of transgender christians and seekers - and other members of the LGBTQ community!  If you believe the LGBTQ community should keep out of your church - then you really need to listen.  #transgenderrights #lgbtqcommunity #lgbtqchristians
73:40 03/19/2021
Kevin Rethinks The Ol' South
Kevin was a proud Southern young man.  He once believed that the Civil War was not about slavery and was even a civil war re-enactor and a high ranking officer of the "Sons Of Confederate Veterans", an organization that promotes "The Lost Cause" version of the Antebellum South and the South's role in the Civil War.   Listen to his story as he describes how he began doing some research - no, not 'Youtube research', but a true deep dive into actual documents and speeches of the Founding Fathers of the Confederate States of America.  Learn how he changed his mind and actions.  Also listen to my own epiphany as I did some similar research and soul searching in relation to my own beliefs and my fight to change my old high school's racist nickname. 
65:42 02/27/2021
Paige Turns The Tables On A Stalker!
Paige suffered through an abusive relationship - and the times she decided to leave him, he would harass her with hundreds of threatening calls, texts, and emails a day. She would eventually cave and see him again and the cycle would repeat.   He was extremely creative in hunting her down, hacking her emails, finding out her new phone numbers - sometimes within 24 hours of her switching phone numbers.  He was a genius at tracking her down.  But he was not so smart about covering his own tracks.  Find out how Paige broke free and the stalker got caught on the next Spivey Loves You, released at 7 AM Central on your favorite podcasting platform.  
42:23 02/13/2021
"D" Ditches a Psychopath
SLY's first anonymous guest, "D", becomes involved with a somewhat older, more worldly man when she was younger.  Then things kept on 'not adding up'.  He lies about his living arrangement, owning his home, lies about his background, family, even his ethnicity.  As the lies add up  - along with abuse, assault, emotional and psychological manipulation - D decides to get out.   It's all about making that decision.  Learn what she did to end things once and for all - even after he started stalking her.  Before you ask, no, she didn't kill him.  
52:14 02/06/2021
Ep 3 - Jerry Leaves A Cult
Episode three starts off as a cocktail party!  Jerry, an amazing amateur mixiologist, made up a few of the best Old Fashioneds ever made at the Spivey Loves You studios.  If a blowtorch is used, you know you'll have a serious Old Fashioned in store.   As we chat, we learn about how Jerry got Spivey to pay an insane sum of money for a single t-shirt and later invented the logo and name "Spivey Loves You".  You'll learn a little more about the beliefs, traditions, and culture of the Jehovah's Witnesses - and also what it means to leave that group.  Since they don't want members interacting with people outside their community (other than to proselytize), that means saying goodbye to your friends and even your closest family members who are still in.  After a story like that, having a stiff drink is understandable.  Watch for it on Saturday, January 30.   If you or anyone you know is involved in a cult and you'd like to learn more about identifying what is and isn't a cult - and what it takes to leave one, checkout the Cult Education Network at
69:06 01/30/2021
Ep 2 - Resa Breaks Free
Meet Resa - Professional artist; educator; entrepreneur; PhD candidate; mother of dragons (really big lizards); and a woman who, at a young age, was trapped into a life as a porn actress by her abusive sociopathic boyfriend.  She broke free and built a brilliant career as an award winning educator, only to be publicly doxxed many years later forcing her to start over again.  Find out how she triumphs over those who attempt to victimize her.  If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) or go to to chat with a counselor live.
65:41 01/23/2021
Ep 1 - Luis Fernando Mises' Journey To Shamanism
On my Inaugural episode, we're speaking to Luis Fernando Mises.  Luis Is a Shaman, a corporate leadership development consultant, and an advocate for peaceful parenting.   Learn about Luis' journey to self-discovery through shamanism; what shamanism Is - and what It Is not; taking that understanding to his corporate leadership development - focusing on servant leadership; and finally, raising kids without violence.  Check out his website at  Also, check out our sponsor - Original Sin Coffee.  It's AMAZING!  - Use the code SPIVEYLOVESYOU for 10% off your first order!
97:26 01/16/2021
Spivey Loves You - Preview Episode
Spivey Loves You... what's that all about.Well, I'm John Spivey and I love you.   I really love talking to people, hearing their stories - and I especially love hearing stories of how people broke free from high control environments:  Whether it's leaving a relationship with a sociopath or psychopath; or leaving a cult; or Multi-Level Marketing organization... I want to know when and how they Identified their situation and the mental steps they took to bravely walk away.   I also want to talk to people who challenge norms - whether it's religious, psychological, parenting, or work life.  Let's figure out some cool new ways of thinking.   This podcast's future episodes Is designed for a mature audience and will deal with topics such as emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.  We will also discuss topics such as suicide and violence that may upset some listeners.  Listener discretion is advised.  Resources to help listeners deal with abusive situations and suicide will be provided In the resources section of my website and each appropriate episode description. Please note that I am not a lawyer, psychologist or therapist. I am not a cult expert.  I don't offer any clinical, legal, or financial advice on my podcast.  And while my guests (or I) may say something that might piss you off or make you want to sue me - don't.  The Information that my guest spout off does not necessarily reflect the views of the producers (that's me - John Spivey) or distributors of this podcast. And like I said, I'm not an expert... I just have my opinions.  Which you may or may not like. Please subscribe via your favorite podcast platform - or hit my website to listen... With much love,Spivey
07:27 12/31/2020