You see Valentines is torture
And my birthday is a mess!
New Year's is a lot of noise
And Arbor Day's a pest!
Halloween's a horror,
But I guess I must confess
That I really don't hate Christmas!
You see Flag Day is infernal
April Fool's is just a bore
Mardi Grass a waste
Unless you own a candy store
All these other holidays
I can admit that I abhor,
But I really don't hate Christmas
Now it isn't that I like it,
At the most I feel ambivalence!
But should I really just destroy it?
I'll admit that I'm still on the fence
It makes me tense!
From the evil scientist community
I'm sure to get ejected
But for Christmas I can seem to summon
Any true invective
Because what is there to hate?
I mean it's really so subjective!
Though I really don't hate Christmas
I hate puppy dogs and kittens,
I hate flowers in the Spring!
I even hate the sunshine
And the birdies when they sing
I can work up animosity for almost anything
Tell me why I don't hate Christmas
Though my childhood was atrocious,
Christmas never was that bad, you see!
So the best that I can muster
Is complete and total apathy
What's wrong with me?
How can I prove that I'm
An evil villain worth his salt
When with a holiday so jolly
I can't even find a fault?
If I didn't feel ambiguous
I'd launch a big assault!
But I really don't hate Christmas!
Ah what the heck? Kick line!
No I really
No I really don't hate Christmas!
I have an intense burning indifference!
JEFF SWAMPY MARSH,MARTIN OLSON,DAN POVENMIRE
Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.