Poslechněte si podcast Quip & Quirk

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman.."	Quip & Quirk	01:00
"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."	Quip & Quirk	00:46
"If you have to tell them who you are, you aren't anybody."	Quip & Quirk	00:55
"To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat."	Quip & Quirk	00:57
"Why does mineral water that '"has trickled through mountains for centuries" have a, "use by" date?"	Quip & Quirk	00:54
"My wife's father said if you marry my daughter I'll give you three acres and a cow. I'm still waiting for the three acres."	Quip & Quirk	01:00
"My teeth are all my own. I've just finished paying for them."	Quip & Quirk	00:53
"The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing."	Quip & Quirk	00:57
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."	Quip & Quirk	00:56
“They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.”	Quip & Quirk	00:54
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."	Quip & Quirk	00:56
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."	Quip & Quirk	01:00
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."	Quip & Quirk	00:54
"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."	Quip & Quirk	00:58
"I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps."	Quip & Quirk	00:55
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."	Quip & Quirk	00:42
"Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither."	Quip & Quirk	01:00
"Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier."	Quip & Quirk	01:00
"No matter what hyenas sound like, they are not actually laughing."	Quip & Quirk	00:56
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."	Quip & Quirk	00:47
"Publicity can be terrible. But only if you don't have any."	Quip & Quirk	00:51
"Glamor is just sex that got civilized. A pretty girl, tastefully posed in a scant costume, is even a sort of cultural achievement."	Quip & Quirk	00:49
"A jester unemployed is nobodys fool."	Quip & Quirk	00:50
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."	Quip & Quirk	00:48
"I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands."	Quip & Quirk	00:53
"Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year."	Quip & Quirk	00:57
"I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."	Quip & Quirk	00:46
"Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough."	Quip & Quirk	00:54
"If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then..."	Quip & Quirk	00:52
"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from."	Quip & Quirk	00:47
"In America, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you."	Quip & Quirk	00:47
"There are so many great things in life; why dwell on negativity?"	Quip & Quirk	00:44
"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead."	Quip & Quirk	00:55
"I have never understood why women first see the faults in talented men and the merits in fools."	Quip & Quirk	00:47
"What are you studying up there? Oh, the usual. Nebulae, quasars, pulsars, stuff like that. What are you writing? The usual. Nouns...	Quip & Quirk	00:57
"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."	Quip & Quirk	00:49
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."	Quip & Quirk	00:49
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."	Quip & Quirk	00:58
"Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind this one is his wife."	Quip & Quirk	00:46
"I was just going to have some iced tea and split the atom, but that can wait."	Quip & Quirk	00:56

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman.."

Quip & Quirk

01:00

"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."

Quip & Quirk

00:46

"If you have to tell them who you are, you aren't anybody."

Quip & Quirk

00:55

"To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat."

Quip & Quirk

00:57