Show cover of Fifty Shades of Gender

Fifty Shades of Gender

We get curious about all things gender, sex and sexuality, as well as relationships, feminism (the inclusive kind), mental health and kink, and all that makes us humans unique and diverse. From body positivity to body dysmorphia, it’s all welcome here. Come with us on a journey of inclusion, acceptance and respect. This podcast is for you if: • You're curious and want to learn more about experiences of gender outside the gender binary; • You are questioning your gender, or • You have a loved one who is, and you want to learn how to best support them. Other topics we cover on this podcast include neurodivergence, disability, parenting and family, transitioning, hormone therapy and other medical affirmative interventions, (extreme) body modification, BDSM, attraction types including asexuality and aromanticism, and much more. There is a content warning for sensitive subjects at the start of the episode if it applies. Esther (she/they/fae) is a creative rebel, intuitive designer, and queer mystic. She's also an artist, writer, truth seeker, and gentle activist. Generally non-conforming, she likes to refer to herself as a ‘rebel with a cause’. Her motto is “do YOUR thing, YOUR way”, and she passionately believes that authentic, unapologetic and at times radical self-expression is the most important gift we can give to ourselves – and to the world. Wanna know what it takes to be a better ally to gender-diverse folks? Register for our upcoming allyship course and receive FREE resources about gender-neutral language and pronoun examples: Find us on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter: @50ShadesGender Find us on YouTube. LinkedIn & Patreon: Fifty Shades Of Gender


104. JASON LEE: intersex, transgender (trans man), heterosexual, neurodiverse
Jason Lee is an LGBTQI+ Youth Worker, previous presenter on The T-Boys Show on Pride Radio, and the first legally married transgender person in the UK. Jason's pronouns are he/him, and he is intersex and transgender (a trans man), as well as heterosexual and neurodiverse. Find out what that means to Jason in this episode. We also talk about disconnecting from the body and reclaiming yourself, the role of genetics in hormone therapy, and Gender Recognition Act reform. CW: suicide, bulllying, electric shock therapy, sexual assault, abuse, and trauma. More on
62:11 25/04/2024
103. RAY BRIGGS: genderqueer, boi, practicing bisexual, T4T
Ray Briggs is professor of philosophy at Stanford University, co-host of the radio show Philosophy Talk, and co-author of the book What Even Is Gender? Ray's pronouns are they/them (he/him is also ok) and they are genderqueer, boi, and also a practicing bisexual, and T4T. Find out what that means to Ray in this episode. We also talk about ways to be queer, the expansiveness of the term bisexual, philosophy and decision making, ignoring possibilities, the essence of womanhood (or lack thereof), testosterone's physical and emotional effects, how to define aggression, consent policies, and being impossible. More on 
51:29 29/02/2024
102. CARRIE MARSHALL: trans woman, lesbian, demisexual
Carrie Marshall is a writer, musician, and author of her memoir, Carrie Kills A Man. Carrie's pronouns are she/her, and she is a trans woman. She's also a lesbian, and demisexual. Find out what that means to Carrie in this episode. We also talk about transness only making sense in the rearview mirror, how much more challenging things can become once you start transition, what the anti-trans movement has in common with the witch trials, being ambushed in the media, why everything is gendered, hope for the future, and walking unafraid. CW: mention of suicide. More on 
60:16 28/12/2023
101. MATTIA MAURÉE: nonbinary trans, agender, genderqueer, transmasc, autigender, audhd, relationship anarchy, poly, queer [neuroqueer]
Mattia Maurée is a composer, writer, AuDHD coach, and founder and host of the podcasts The Longer Road and AuDHD Flourishing. Mattia's pronouns are they/them, and they are nonbinary trans, agender, genderqueer, transmasc, autigender, AuDHD, and queer (as well as neuroqueer). They also use the labels relationship anarchy and poly. Find out what that means to Mattia in this episode.We also talk about being taken seriously when you're outside the gender binary, what counts as an apology and what doesn't, assumptions about presentation, the importance of diverse transition stories, performing gender, how advice for different neurotypes can be conflicting, and navigating intersectional marginalised identities. More on 
56:50 30/11/2023
100. Reflections (part 4): discoveries so far
In this fourth Reflections episode, Katy interviews Esther as she reflects on further conversations she’s had with gender-diverse folks, what she’s learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she and the podcast have evolved over three years since the podcast started. We also talk about the decision to take a break, trusting your intuition, intersectionality, internalised misogyny, using inclusive language, questioning everything, opening conversations rather than shutting them down, what allyship can look like, and reclaiming authenticity. More on Registration for our allyship course is now open! Find out more on and join Esther on this journey of exploration, reflection, and awareness.   
73:53 26/10/2023
99. TASH CORBIN: neurodivergent, non-binary, genderfluid woman, queer
Tash Corbin is an online business owner who helps women and non-binary folk to start and scale their businesses. Tash's pronouns are she/they, and they are neurodivergent, non-binary, a genderfluid woman, and queer. Find out what that means to Tash in this episode. We also talk about what is non-conforming enough, the experience of being sexualised, how showing up with our imperfections builds connection, marginalisation and intersectionality, how we all have internalised misogyny, racism, homophobia and transphobia, seeing each other's humanity, and feeling safe to be yourself. More on 
45:39 28/09/2023
98. ELY PERCY: queer, agender, neurodivergent (brain injury)
Ely Percy is a writer, author of the novel Duck Feet (and more), and brain injury survivor. Ely's pronouns are they/them, and they are a queer, agender, neurodivergent person. Find out what that means to Ely in this episode. We also talk about being neurodivergent from a brain injury perspective, being 'not straight' during Section 28, acting normal, coming out again, not recognising yourself in the gender binary, and how gender diversity is expanding in film and TV. More on 
44:44 07/09/2023
97. KATE BROOKES: parent of a transgender child
Kate Brookes is an author, TV reporter, anchor-turned-producer, and filmmaker. Kate is a cisgender woman and uses she/her pronouns. She's also the parent of a transgender child. Find out what that means to Kate in this episode. We also talk about the challenges of deciding on a name, being in transition as a family, the privilege of having access to an accepting community, how important it is to be an ally and educate ourselves, that acceptance is protection, and telling stories in a responsible way. CW: Please be aware that there is mention of suicide in this episode. Also, in this conversation, Kate uses her daughter's old pronouns and name (which is a pseudonym) to communicate how she identified at a given time. This is in line with how their story is told in Kate's new book, Transister: raising twins in a gender-bending world, which was just released, on August 8th. More on 
48:41 10/08/2023
96. CHRIS TALBOT-HEINDL: transgender, non-binary, asexual, panromantic
Chris Talbot-Heindl is an artist and educomics creator. Chris's pronouns are they/them, and they are transgender, non-binary, asexual and panromantic. Find out what that means to Chris in this episode. We also talk about how labels can mean something different each day, that the gender binary is a colonial construct, gender fuckery and gender abundance, cultural influences on gender, what allyship is and what it's not, how to take accountability, feeling safe in ourselves, dismantling internalised belief systems, and making space for abundance. More on 
49:14 27/07/2023
95. JORIS GREY: trans, trans man, queer
Joris Grey is a business coach for activists. Joris's pronouns are he/him, and he is a trans man, and queer. Find out what that means to Joris in this episode. We also talk about being comfortable in your body, getting the method of application right when going on hormones, the importance of representation, the need to focus more on the thriving of trans people rather than the struggle, the difference between sustainable and regenerative, and allowing ourselves to create a big vision for ourselves and the world. More on 
46:14 22/06/2023
94. RACHEL DOVER: transgender female
Rachel's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender female. Find out what that means to Rachel in this episode. We also talk about being transgender vs having gender dysphoria, how coming out is a process, transitioning during covid, the actual and hidden cost of transition, how hard it is to get a GRC (Gender Recognition Certificate), how the term 'TERF' has evolved, and feeling like yourself. More on 
80:41 25/05/2023
93. FABIAN WEBB BROWN: trans(gender) man
Fabian is a clinic nurse specialist in the NHS, and appreciator of TV, films, books, music, theatre and art. Fabian's pronouns are he/him, and he is a transgender man. Find out what that means to Fabian in this episode. We also talk about transitioning in your teenage years, what it's like to be pregnant as a trans man, accessing reproductive care while navigating an outdated system that doesn't distinguish between sex and gender, and becoming comfortable in your gender identity. More on 
47:10 27/04/2023
92. FINLEY ARESET BRAND: transgender, non-binary, agender, demigirl [autigender]
Finley's pronouns are they/them, and they are transgender, non-binary, agender, and a demigirl. Autigender is another label they are considering adding. They are also autistic, polyamorous, and kinky. Find out what that means to Finley in this episode. We also talk about the connection between facets of identity including gender, neurodivergence, polyamory and kink, feeling safe to be authentic, reclaiming childhood and nurturing the inner child, misconceptions about kink and sex work, body appreciation and recovering from an eating disorder, and trying to function in a society that's constructed for people who are not disabled. More on 
55:59 30/03/2023
91. HARRIS EDDIE HILL #2: agender, non-binary, trans (with a dash of 'boy')
Harris Eddie Hill is a podcaster, best-selling author and coach. Harris's pronouns are they/them or ey/em, and they are agender, non-binary, and trans (with a dash of 'boy'). Find out what that means to Harris in this episode. We also talk about being on testosterone, embodying queerness in intimate relationships, finding safety in yourself, navigating family dynamics and having consensual conversations, the importance of having access to a supportive community, what it was like living through Section 28 times, allyship and inclusivity, and exploring kink. More on  You can now register your interest for our upcoming allyship course – go to, or navigate to the course page via the website menu, to be notified when it goes live.
65:48 02/03/2023
90. Ninety Shades of Gender: taking a break
Esther is taking a break from creating new episodes for now, and talks about she came to that decision. Thank you to all our patrons, to those who bought us a coffee, donated, listened, shared and helped. Until next time! More on 
10:33 29/09/2022
89. CLEO MADELEINE: queer, trans, woman
Cleo Madeleine is a researcher, activist, and poet. Cleo's pronouns are she/her, and she is queer, trans, and a woman. Find out what that means to Cleo in this episode. Join us as we briefly go down a rabbit hole of queer history and time, talking about the entanglement of sexuality and gender, linguistic limitations, the intersection of history, language, and identity, what is left out of history, the construct of normativity, levels of activism, and the many ways things can get lost in translation. More on 
74:57 15/09/2022
88. LUX: queer, genderfluid, polygender, non-conforming man
Lux is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and French expat, who has been in the UK for over ten years. Lux's pronouns are he/they, and he is a queer, genderfluid, polygender, non-conforming man. Find out what that means to Lux in this episode. We also talk about seeing labels as a field, the need for softness as well as radicality in activism, how gender identity is separate from gender expression, the pathologising of queer identities, not being able to simplify your complexity into a static gender, how gender plurality and sexual fluidity intertwine, and not leaving any part of us out. More on 
55:26 01/09/2022
87. BRIANNE LEESON: autigender, bisexual, polyamorous, demi-romantic
Brianne Leeson is a writer, artist, and voice actor, and the creator of the supernatural comedy audio drama, Today’s Lucky Winner. Brianne's pronouns are she/her, and she is autigender, as well as bisexual, polyamorous, and demi-romantic. Find out what that means to Brianne in this episode. We also talk about doing womanhood differently and the infinite flavours of gender and gender expression, accidental polyamory and unpacking social and religious conditioning, what we can learn about communication from autistic people, sensory issues and how they shape expression, finding freedom in embracing your neurodivergence, and questioning everything. More on 
55:39 18/08/2022
86. IZZY KERSHAW: transgender woman, bisexual, ADHD
Izzy Kershaw is a singer/songwriter and music producer. Izzy's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman. She's also bisexual and has ADHD. Find out what that means to Izzy in this episode. We also talk about how big a part of identity gender is and how that can change, the importance of making the distinction between sex and gender in healthcare, being trans in the music industry, an enlightening acid trip, how music can take people on a journey, the innateness of gender from the perspective of brain science, and the desire to belong. More on 
39:57 04/08/2022
85. VICTOR MARTINEZ #2: transgender, non-binary, pansexual, neurodiverse, ADHD
Victor's pronouns are they/them, and they are transgender and non-binary, as well as pansexual, neurodiverse, and ADHD. Find out what that means to Victor in this episode. We also talk about being out as a trans person at work, having a different understanding of the same labels, normalising gender diversity in society, body dysmorphia and gender expression, transphobia in the media, unlocking aspects of identity, and the evolution of awareness. More on 
59:39 21/07/2022
84. KAI GREY: trans-masculine, transgender, queer (non-binary)
Kai is a Garden Designer and consultant, and CEO at Polaris Garden & Landscape Architects. Kai's pronouns are he/him, and he is trans-masculine, transgender, queer, and a tad non-binary. Find out what that means to Kai in this episode.. We also talk about the importance of representation, experiencing intimacy and sex and navigating expected as well as unexpected changes being on T (testosterone), consent and re-establishing boundaries, separating masculinity and femininity from body parts, qualities, and dynamics like dominance & submission, and never being done with transitioning. More on 
00:53 07/07/2022
83. LOLA PHOENIX: agender, non-binary, queer
Lola Phoenix is a writer, podcaster, and author of the recently published book The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy. Lola's pronouns are they/them, and they are agender, non-binary, and queer. Find out what that means to Lola in this episode. We also talk about being accidentally gender non-conforming, not relating to normative experiences, prioritising action over language, the power in choosing our response, what we do versus who we are, the similarities between an unconventional gender journey and exploring alternative relationship styles, solidarity and the need to unite, the importance of understanding and regulating our nervous system, and being safe within ourselves. More on 
86:45 23/06/2022
82. ANGELA LOCASHIO: autistic, queer, genderqueer woman
Angela Locashio (aka Mama Pistachio) is a trauma-informed educator and coach, and sexologist. Angela's pronouns are she/her, and she says she's always open to they/them. She is an autistic, queer, genderqueer woman. Find out what that means to Angela in this episode. We also talk about following social scripts and role playing, how authenticity and performance are not mutually exclusive, vulnerability, understanding all parts of ourselves, how we are wired to choose acceptance over authenticity, being yourself in the workplace, the intersection between gender and neurodivergence, and how we are all normal. More on 
48:48 09/06/2022
81. FLEASSY MALAY: queer, gender-diverse, neurodiverse, genderfluid woman
Fleassy Malay is a poet, spoken word artist, performer, and writer. Fleassy uses they/them and she/her pronouns, and they are a queer, gender-diverse, neurodiverse genderfluid woman. Find out what that means to Fleassy in this episode. We also talk about embracing the validity of the phases we go through, belonging in both women's spaces and queer spaces, inclusive language and adding more nuance to conversations, internalised shame and being willing to confront our own conditioning, having observations rather than answers, how sacred rage can change the world, and playing in all the spaces. More on 
57:03 26/05/2022
80. ANNE HODDER-SHIPP: queer femme, neurodivergent, ADHD (agender, non-binary, demigirl)
Anne Hodder-Shipp is a sex and relationship educator dedicated to providing accurate, empowered, compassionate, and expansive sex education. Anne's pronouns are she/they, and she is a queer femme. They're also neurodivergent with a recent ADHD diagnosis. She doesn't have language that totally feels right, but says that sometimes agender, non-binary, and demigirl work. Find out what that means to Anne in this episode. We also talk about not having a sense of belonging, feeling safe in your skin, self-soothing and meeting yourself where you're at, upholding meaning over language at all cost, how the gender binary is weaponised, that a new awareness of reality is often accompanied by a mourning process, looking at love languages through a different lens, and reframing the concepts of love, touch, and relationships. More on 
55:56 12/05/2022
79. CHRISTINE TOKLEY: trans woman, non-conforming, disabled, neurodivergent
Christine's pronouns are she/her, and she's ok with they/them pronouns. She identifies as a trans woman and is also non-conforming, disabled and neurodivergent. Find out what that means to Christine in this episode. We also talk about how the spectrum of physical biological sex and that of the social construct of gender overlap, the idea of sex dysphoria rather than gender dysphoria, medical transition vs social transition and being comfortable on the inside first, supporting people in a way that works for them, the difference in how we all perceive reality including gender, the need for nuance as well as simplification, how being aware of intention can benefit communication, and building bridges between our understanding and others'. CW: paraphilia, autogynephilia. More on  Meeting Christine was the inspiration for the book chapter Esther contributed to the multi-author book Sacred Redesign – How to free yourself from society's standards and create heaven on earth. It's available on Amazon now: find links to purchase on 
93:44 28/04/2022
78. CLAIRE PROSHO: transgender woman, bisexual, ADHD
Claire's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman. Find out what that means to Claire in this episode. We also talk about the lack of female role models in the 70s, trying to reconcile the expected side and the authentic side of us, the entanglement of gender, mental health and neurodivergence, feeling like yourself for the first time, reframing gendered activities, identifying as vs identifying with, gender alignment rather than transition, and having more stories to tell. More on 
82:45 14/04/2022
77. JENN: genderfree, autistic, fat
Jenn sets up websites and tech systems for micro businesses. Jenn doesn't have much of an attachment to pronouns and says they or she are fine. They are genderfree, and she also gave us the labels autistic and fat. Find out what that means to Jenn in this episode. We also talk about choosing your own gender badges, the absurdity of assigned gender roles, being conscious of gender-neutral language, how autism in women is underdiagnosed, the limited choices when it comes to clothes, the balance of body neutrality, the various struggles fat people face, and putting the rainbow first rather than it being an afterthought. More on 
55:59 31/03/2022
76. SKIN: queer
Skin is the singer of the rock band Skunk Anansie, a radio show and podcast host, and author. Skin's pronouns are she/her, and she is a queer person. Find out what that means to Skin in this episode. We also talk about stepping stones to new language, the obsession with beauty in the gay community, breaking gender roles, given names and designing your own sense of self, a cultural sense of identity, expanding on feminism, marriage and motherhood, chosen family and learning how to love each other, staying open and giving people a chance to change their minds, and how we need to join forces and stop fighting each other. More on 
45:43 17/03/2022
75. Reflections (part 3): discoveries so far
In this third Reflections episode, Katy interviews Esther as she reflects on further conversations she’s had with gender-diverse folks, what she’s learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she and the podcast have evolved over a year and a half since the podcast started. We also talk about imposter syndrome, intuition and following the flow, prioritising self-care, expanding on pronouns, improvising and thinking on the spot, reclaiming labels, coming out of the spiritual closet, how the lines between being on the outside and being on the inside are blurring, and that being an ally benefits us all; not just those we are being allies for. More on 
67:35 03/03/2022

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