Show cover of Fifty Shades of Gender

Fifty Shades of Gender

We get curious about all things gender, sex and sexuality, as well as relationships, feminism (the inclusive kind), mental health and kink, and all that makes us humans unique and diverse. From body positivity to body dysmorphia, it’s all welcome here. Come with us on a journey of inclusion, acceptance and respect.


89. CLEO MADELEINE: queer, trans, woman
Cleo Madeleine is a researcher, activist, and poet. Cleo's pronouns are she/her, and she is queer, trans, and a woman. Find out what that means to Cleo in this episode. Join us as we briefly go down a rabbit hole of queer history and time, talking about the entanglement of sexuality and gender, linguistic limitations, the intersection of history, language, and identity, what is left out of history, the construct of normativity, levels of activism, and the many ways things can get lost in translation. More on 
74:57 15/09/22
88. LUX: queer, genderfluid, polygender, non-conforming man
Lux is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and French expat, who has been in the UK for over ten years. Lux's pronouns are he/they, and he is a queer, genderfluid, polygender, non-conforming man. Find out what that means to Lux in this episode. We also talk about seeing labels as a field, the need for softness as well as radicality in activism, how gender identity is separate from gender expression, the pathologising of queer identities, not being able to simplify your complexity into a static gender, how gender plurality and sexual fluidity intertwine, and not leaving any part of us out. More on 
55:26 01/09/22
87. BRIANNE LEESON: autigender, bisexual, polyamorous, demi-romantic
Brianne Leeson is a writer, artist, and voice actor, and the creator of the supernatural comedy audio drama, Today’s Lucky Winner. Brianne's pronouns are she/her, and she is autigender, as well as bisexual, polyamorous, and demi-romantic. Find out what that means to Brianne in this episode. We also talk about doing womanhood differently and the infinite flavours of gender and gender expression, accidental polyamory and unpacking social and religious conditioning, what we can learn about communication from autistic people, sensory issues and how they shape expression, finding freedom in embracing your neurodivergence, and questioning everything. More on 
55:39 18/08/22
86. IZZY KERSHAW: transgender woman, bisexual, ADHD
Izzy Kershaw is a singer/songwriter and music producer. Izzy's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman. She's also bisexual and has ADHD. Find out what that means to Izzy in this episode. We also talk about how big a part of identity gender is and how that can change, the importance of making the distinction between sex and gender in healthcare, being trans in the music industry, an enlightening acid trip, how music can take people on a journey, the innateness of gender from the perspective of brain science, and the desire to belong. More on 
39:57 04/08/22
85. VICTOR MARTINEZ: transgender, non-binary, pansexual, neurodiverse, ADHD
Victor's pronouns are they/them, and they are transgender and non-binary, as well as pansexual, neurodiverse, and ADHD. Find out what that means to Victor in this episode. We also talk about being out as a trans person at work, having a different understanding of the same labels, normalising gender diversity in society, body dysmorphia and gender expression, transphobia in the media, unlocking aspects of identity, and the evolution of awareness. More on 
59:39 21/07/22
84. KAI GREY: trans-masculine, transgender, queer (non-binary)
Kai is a Garden Designer and consultant, and CEO at Polaris Garden & Landscape Architects. Kai's pronouns are he/him, and he is trans-masculine, transgender, queer, and a tad non-binary. Find out what that means to Kai in this episode.. We also talk about the importance of representation, experiencing intimacy and sex and navigating expected as well as unexpected changes being on T (testosterone), consent and re-establishing boundaries, separating masculinity and femininity from body parts, qualities, and dynamics like dominance & submission, and never being done with transitioning. More on 
59:42 07/07/22
83. LOLA PHOENIX: agender, non-binary, queer
Lola Phoenix is a writer, podcaster, and author of the recently published book The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy. Lola's pronouns are they/them, and they are agender, non-binary, and queer. Find out what that means to Lola in this episode. We also talk about being accidentally gender non-conforming, not relating to normative experiences, prioritising action over language, the power in choosing our response, what we do versus who we are, the similarities between an unconventional gender journey and exploring alternative relationship styles, solidarity and the need to unite, the importance of understanding and regulating our nervous system, and being safe within ourselves. More on 
86:45 23/06/22
82. ANGELA LOCASHIO: autistic, queer, genderqueer woman
Angela Locashio (aka Mama Pistachio) is a trauma-informed educator and coach, and sexologist. Angela's pronouns are she/her, and she says she's always open to they/them. She is an autistic, queer, genderqueer woman. Find out what that means to Angela in this episode. We also talk about following social scripts and role playing, how authenticity and performance are not mutually exclusive, vulnerability, understanding all parts of ourselves, how we are wired to choose acceptance over authenticity, being yourself in the workplace, the intersection between gender and neurodivergence, and how we are all normal. More on 
48:48 09/06/22
81. FLEASSY MALAY: queer, gender-diverse, neurodiverse, genderfluid woman
Fleassy Malay is a poet, spoken word artist, performer, and writer. Fleassy uses they/them and she/her pronouns, and they are a queer, gender-diverse, neurodiverse genderfluid woman. Find out what that means to Fleassy in this episode. We also talk about embracing the validity of the phases we go through, belonging in both women's spaces and queer spaces, inclusive language and adding more nuance to conversations, internalised shame and being willing to confront our own conditioning, having observations rather than answers, how sacred rage can change the world, and playing in all the spaces. More on 
57:03 26/05/22
80. ANNE HODDER-SHIPP: queer femme, neurodivergent, ADHD (agender, non-binary, demigirl)
Anne Hodder-Shipp is a sex and relationship educator dedicated to providing accurate, empowered, compassionate, and expansive sex education. Anne's pronouns are she/they, and she is a queer femme. They're also neurodivergent with a recent ADHD diagnosis. She doesn't have language that totally feels right, but says that sometimes agender, non-binary, and demigirl work. Find out what that means to Anne in this episode. We also talk about not having a sense of belonging, feeling safe in your skin, self-soothing and meeting yourself where you're at, upholding meaning over language at all cost, how the gender binary is weaponised, that a new awareness of reality is often accompanied by a mourning process, looking at love languages through a different lens, and reframing the concepts of love, touch, and relationships. More on 
55:56 12/05/22
79. CHRISTINE TOKLEY: trans woman, non-conforming, disabled, neurodivergent
Christine's pronouns are she/her, and she's ok with they/them pronouns. She identifies as a trans woman and is also non-conforming, disabled and neurodivergent. Find out what that means to Christine in this episode. We also talk about how the spectrum of physical biological sex and that of the social construct of gender overlap, the idea of sex dysphoria rather than gender dysphoria, medical transition vs social transition and being comfortable on the inside first, supporting people in a way that works for them, the difference in how we all perceive reality including gender, the need for nuance as well as simplification, how being aware of intention can benefit communication, and building bridges between our understanding and others'. CW: paraphilia, autogynephilia. More on  Meeting Christine was the inspiration for the book chapter Esther contributed to the multi-author book Sacred Redesign – How to free yourself from society's standards and create heaven on earth. It's available on Amazon now: find links to purchase on 
93:44 28/04/22
78. CLAIRE PROSHO: transgender woman, bisexual, ADHD
Claire's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman. Find out what that means to Claire in this episode. We also talk about the lack of female role models in the 70s, trying to reconcile the expected side and the authentic side of us, the entanglement of gender, mental health and neurodivergence, feeling like yourself for the first time, reframing gendered activities, identifying as vs identifying with, gender alignment rather than transition, and having more stories to tell. More on 
82:45 14/04/22
77. JENN: genderfree, autistic, fat
Jenn sets up websites and tech systems for micro businesses. Jenn doesn't have much of an attachment to pronouns and says they or she are fine. They are genderfree, and she also gave us the labels autistic and fat. Find out what that means to Jenn in this episode. We also talk about choosing your own gender badges, the absurdity of assigned gender roles, being conscious of gender-neutral language, how autism in women is underdiagnosed, the limited choices when it comes to clothes, the balance of body neutrality, the various struggles fat people face, and putting the rainbow first rather than it being an afterthought. More on 
55:59 31/03/22
76. SKIN: queer
Skin is the singer of the rock band Skunk Anansie, a radio show and podcast host, and author. Skin's pronouns are she/her, and she is a queer person. Find out what that means to Skin in this episode. We also talk about stepping stones to new language, the obsession with beauty in the gay community, breaking gender roles, given names and designing your own sense of self, a cultural sense of identity, expanding on feminism, marriage and motherhood, chosen family and learning how to love each other, staying open and giving people a chance to change their minds, and how we need to join forces and stop fighting each other. More on 
45:43 17/03/22
75. Reflections (part 3): discoveries so far
In this third Reflections episode, Katy interviews Esther as she reflects on further conversations she’s had with gender-diverse folks, what she’s learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she and the podcast have evolved over a year and a half since the podcast started. We also talk about imposter syndrome, intuition and following the flow, prioritising self-care, expanding on pronouns, improvising and thinking on the spot, reclaiming labels, coming out of the spiritual closet, how the lines between being on the outside and being on the inside are blurring, and that being an ally benefits us all; not just those we are being allies for. More on 
67:35 03/03/22
74. A Clear Perspective on gender: a channeled message from Oron and Medha
This is an episode with a spiritual twist. I have a conversation with Oron, through Medha. Medha is an intuitive energy healer and channeler – to be exact, a direct voice channel – and she has a podcast called A Clear Perspective, where she shares the guidance that comes through from Oron in answer to people's questions. Oron start by talking about what it takes for Medha to allow this energy to come through, and then about expansion and going beyond right and wrong, external and internal division, how truth lies on a spectrum, reclaiming your sense of self-worth, power versus force, coming into inner harmony, what self-love really is, and returning to wholeness. More on 
34:50 17/02/22
73. PAIGE LOEWEN: partner of a transgender woman
Paige is married to a transgender woman, Esther (or Elle), who came out to her in October 2020. They've been married for 16 years and have two children. Find out more about Paige's experience in this episode. We also talk about being married to a troubled person, becoming more bold and growing into your skin, learning to communicate our needs, the freedom in speaking our truth, going through your own journeys together, that it's ok to not put a label on yourself, and how we may find ourselves in one closet or another. More on 
50:58 03/02/22
72. TALEA BOELSEMS: agender, metagender
Talea uses any pronouns, and they are agender and metagender. Find out what that means to Talea in this episode. We get philosophical and dig deeper into gender identity, and we talk about the challenges with finding language for something just beyond our grasp, nature vs nurture and what is innate in our identity, and peeling away layers and finding nothing. As we start to wrap up the conversation, some more really juicy things came up, so we keep going for another 10 minutes or so after I thank Talea for sharing her experience. More on 
69:04 20/01/22
71. RENÉE YOXON: trans, non-binary, genderqueer, maverique
Renée Yoxon is a singer, songwriter, and gender-affirming voice teacher. Renée's pronouns are they/them, and they are non-binary trans. They also identify as maverique and back in the day, genderqueer. Find out what that means to Renée in this episode. We also talk about being who you are right now, bridging the trans and cis experience, how 'passing' is morally neutral, internal vs societal perception of gender, simultaneously upholding and tearing down gender binaries, and how the voice is more nurture than nature. More on
45:01 06/01/22
70. REV ROWAN BOMBADIL: genderqueer shapeshifter & sex witch
Rowan Bombadil is a psychosexual coach and interfaith minister, dedicated to bridging the binaries between sex and spirit. Rowan's pronouns are they/them/their, and they are a genderqueer shapeshifter and sex witch. Find out what that means to Rowan in this episode. We also talk about deconstructing boxes and binaries, the link between gender, sex and magic, reclaiming the body and revealing more of ourselves, roleplay vs shapeshifting, multiplicity and spanning the gender spectrum, transformation through intention, and celebrating the sacred in ourselves. More on 
83:02 23/12/21
69. ZELDA: intersex, trans-adjacent, disabled
Zelda is a performer and magician. Zelda is happy for people to use the pronouns they feel are appropriate. She is intersex and disabled, and refers to herself as trans-adjacent. Find out what that means to Zelda in this episode. We also talk about using fun vs boring as decision-making criteria as opposed to male vs female, having a gender identity as fluid as a body identity, knowing the science versus living the science, giving hope by being yourself, being a bridge between dualities, lucky genetic quirks, and being a special case. More on 
57:12 09/12/21
68. ESTHER LOEWEN: transgender woman
Esther Loewen uses she/her pronouns, and she is a transgender woman. She also identifies as a parent, spouse, pastor, professional includer, and queer. Find out what that means to Esther in this episode. We also talk about how coming out is an ongoing process, questions to ask yourself on the gender journey, finding hope in spirituality after trauma, grieving the loss of vocation, taking a leap of faith, embracing how god made us, integrating and honouring the old self, and entering the next chapter in life with dignity and grace. More on 
54:24 25/11/21
67. LEONIE DAWSON: non-binary
Leonie Dawson is a proudly neurodivergent multi-passionate entrepreneur, author, podcaster, prolific course creator and massive swear bear. Leonie's pronouns are she/they, and they are non-binary. Find out what that means to Leonie in this episode. We also talk about honouring the land we inhabit, the freedom that came from adding a 'they' pronoun while having a 'she' experience, being non-conforming in business, the importance of having open and honest money conversations, knowing who you are inside and standing for what you believe in, kicking the social media habit, and smashing the patriarchy by being more of yourself. More on 
57:06 11/11/21
66. ANNA SANSOM: genderqueer, gender-responsive, woman, queer dyke
In this episode, I have a conversation with Anna Sansom, a writer, author of erotic fiction and also author of the book Desire Lines, which is a combination of memoir, erotica, and an invitation to reflective self-inquiry. Anna's pronouns are she/her. She experiences herself as genderqueer and feels herself to be gender-responsive. Find out what that means to Anna in this episode. We also talk about the energetic space between people, being responsive vs being reactive, how boxes can be constricting as well as expansive, playing with gender and sexuality, reclaiming the word 'dyke', self-healing through sexual experiences, liberating ourselves and writing our own story, pursuing desire, and why it's more than ok to want more out of life. More on 
53:22 28/10/21
65. Listener Questions (1): terminology explained
This episode is a slightly different one again; the first of a Listener Questions series. I'm answering a question (or rather, responding to a request) from one of our listeners, Connie, who said "I would love to hear a podcast on the definition of terms used on the podcasts." So here it is! More on 
22:56 14/10/21
64. BRIAN BELOVITCH: cis-gay male of trans experience
Brian Belovitch is an author, actor and activist. Brian's pronouns are he/him/his, and he identifies as a cis-gay male of trans experience. Find out what that means to Brian in this episode. We also talk about being different and growing up in the 60s and 70s, looking for validation, living a fantasy life, performing the role of perfect woman, dealing with judgement, how everyone's journey is unique, finding a different way to be comfortable, and going full circle and reaching a new destination. More on 
58:41 30/09/21
63. JEN HARTMANN: non-binary, bigender
Jen Hartmann is a fashion designer and founder of the trans-positive label Baal Fashion. Jen is pretty much ok with all the traditional pronouns, but prefers he/him. He is non-binary and also identifies as bigender. Find out what that means to Jen in this episode. We also talk about growing up with a very gendered language, being expected to fit into cultural and gendered stereotypes, disrupting the fashion industry and the future of innovation, how clothes are an integral part of gender expression, navigating entrepreneurship and the challenges that come with doing your own thing, surrendering to divine timing, and that one size does not fit all. More on 
40:57 23/09/21
62. JACOB PROFITT: non-binary, gay, drag queen
Jacob Profitt is a geography teacher. Jacob's pronouns are they/them, and they identify as a gay non-binary person. Find out what that means to Jacob in this episode. We also talk about the freedom that comes with going to university, societal conditioning around masculine and feminine binaries, exploring gender identity through drag, being non-binary in education, feeling attracted to male presenting people as opposed to masculinity, and being inspired by a younger generation. More on 
36:04 16/09/21
61. DOROTHY 'THYO' PIERRE-LOUIS: non-binary, trans-masculine, bigender, toric, graysexual
Dorothy Pierre-Louis uses he/him/his pronouns, and his nickname is Thyo (pronounced like Theo). He is non-binary and also uses the labels bigender and trans-masculine, as well as toric and graysexual. Find out what that means to Thyo in this episode. Thyo (pronounced like Theo) is a simple urban animal who resides with his friends in a cozy den in Philadelphia. He currently works as a technical recruiter and aspires to make it in the entertainment/media industry as a writer. This dream is slightly hindered by the fact that Thyo is a recovering survivor of the Ivy League education system. As such, he has a complicated relationship with writing and will likely never write ever again. More on 
45:40 09/09/21
60. EMME PORTER DeWITT: agender [transgender, nonbinary], queer [demisexual+]
Emme Porter DeWitt is an author, advocate, and authenticity coach. Emme's pronouns are they/them/theirs. They are agender and also identify as transgender, non-binary, queer and demisexual. Find out what that means to Emme in this episode. We also talk about how we all have our own unique flavour of humanity, making sense of attractions, the importance of emotional connection, building your own blueprint for relationships, the possibilities in the term queer, being a solo advocate, how parents can build a healthy relationship with their gender-expansive kids, and getting rid of the boxes altogether. More on 
55:59 02/09/21