Show cover of Finding OK - Healing After Sexual Assault and Abuse

Finding OK - Healing After Sexual Assault and Abuse

An intersectional healing podcast for survivors of sexual assault and any/all abuse. When survivors share, they share strength. "Finding OK" helps people navigate this difficult healing process. The focus is on recovery, self-care, empowerment, and healing. You are not alone.

Tracks

Let Me Prey Upon You - Healing After Clergy Abuse
Sandy Phillips Kirkham is a survivor of clergy abuse and the author of, "Let Me Prey Upon You". Sandy was very active in her church growing up, her faith was the center of her life. When she was 16 her youth pastor groomed and manipulated her into a sexual relationship. After years of abuse she managed to exit the relationship and reclaim her life. Sandy kept her experience a secret for 27 years before she had to face it and begin her healing journey. Today Sandy is a strong advocate for survivors of clergy abuse as a board member of the Council Against Child Abuse and through her work with The Hope of Survivors. Today Sandy will be sharing her story, and we'll be discussing her incredibly powerful book.Sandy Kirkham and her husband Bill enjoy life with their two grown children, two beautiful granddaughters, and two fairly well-behaved dogs. Sandy continues to use her voice to help victims of clergy abuse. She currently serves on the board of Council Against Child Abuse. Sandy has spoken before the Ohio Senate, a Maryland court, and appeared on a local television show in Boston. Her story, “Stolen Innocence,” was told in a documentary produced by The Hope of Survivors. Sandy works with survivors conducting victim support conferences. She has participated in The Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) panels moderated by SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests), sharing her perspective from the non-Catholic point of view. Sandy has been a presenter/speaker at major events on clergy abuse including the Hope & Healing Conference. Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.”Sandy's Website: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/Sandy's Book: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/shop/https://bookshop.org/p/books/let-me-prey-upon-you-breaking-free-from-a-minister-s-sexual-abuse-sandy-phillips-kirkham/13830913?ean=9781734195200The Hope of Survivors: http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.org/Council on Child Abuse: https://www.cocachild.org/GRACE: https://www.netgrace.org/SNAP: https://www.snapnetwork.org/Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOKSupport the podcast and become a Patreon member!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKFinding OK is funded entirely by the generosity of listeners like you!https://www.finding-ok.com/support/Letters for the Fire: https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-5/Thank you for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself
93:18 10/17/23
Escaping Fundamentalism and Speaking Out - Part 2
Part 2 of my interview with Andrew Pledger. This episode will focus on Andrew's experience with conversion therapy,  how he found support exiting fundamentalism, his expulsion from BJU,  and the work he's doing healing and speaking out. Andrew was raised in a fundamentalist Christian cult and realized in his youth that he was gay. He attended Bob Jones University, which is a fundamentalist Christian college with a chilling history of abuse. While there, Andrew was bullied, harassed, tailed by college employees, and subjected to conversion therapy. In his junior year Andrew was expelled from BJU for publicly denouncing fundamentalism. Andrew is healing and working hard to spread awareness of religious abuse. His new podcast, "Surviving Bob Jones University: A Christian Cult" is exposing BJU's racist and abusive legacy. Andrew's story is of learning to honor your inner voice and follow your intuition, even when everything and everyone around you is telling you it's wrong. Andrew's Website: https://andrewpledger.mypixieset.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/4ndrewpledger/Links: https://andrewpledger.mypixieset.com/linksAndrew's Podcasts-Surviving Bob Jones University: A Christian Cult: https://open.spotify.com/show/6zpFerrBjOuNACq1oklIU6Speaking Up: Surviving Religions and Cults: https://shows.acast.com/speaking-up-with-andrew-pledgerAndrew's Interview with Josh Harrishttps://youtu.be/qRwx4OoS2aM?si=Qtv8ifHW5vICIB9WThe Trevor Project - Crisis Hotline for LGBTQ+ youth:https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/Conversion Therapy https://www.hrc.org/resources/the-lies-and-dangers-of-reparative-therapyPattern of Narcissistic Abusehttps://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/narcissistic-relationship-patternHypnotherapy for Traumahttps://psychcentral.com/health/hypnotherapy-trauma#hypnotherapy-for-treating-traumaIndoctriNation Podcast https://www.podpage.com/indoctrination/Deconstruction Reddit Threadshttps://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/https://www.reddit.com/r/cultsurvivors/?xpromo_edp=enabledFinding OK website: https://www.finding-ok.com/Become a Patreon member!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKSupport the Show: https://www.finding-ok.com/support/Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOKLetters for the Fire: https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-5/Thank you so much for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself
110:43 8/31/23
Escaping Fundamentalism and Speaking Out - Part 1
Andrew Pledger was raised in a fundamentalist Christian cult and realized in his youth that he was gay. He attended Bob Jones University, which is a fundamentalist Christian college with a chilling history of abuse. While there, Andrew was bullied, harassed, tailed by college employees, and subjected to conversion therapy. In his junior year Andrew was expelled from BJU for publicly denouncing fundamentalism. Andrew is healing and working hard to spread awareness of religious abuse. His new podcast, "Surviving Bob Jones University: A Christian Cult" is exposing BJU's racist and abusive legacy. Andrew's story is of learning to honor your inner voice and follow your intuition, even when everything and everyone around you is telling you it's wrong. Andrew and I had a wonderful talk which I'll be sharing in two parts. This episode is focused on Andrew's experience of being raised in a Christian cult (IFB), the effect indoctrination had on his mental health, and his time at BJU up until the pandemic. The rest of his story will air next week.Andrew's Website: https://andrewpledger.mypixieset.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/4ndrewpledger/Links: https://andrewpledger.mypixieset.com/linksAndrew's Podcasts-Surviving Bob Jones University: A Christian Cult: https://open.spotify.com/show/6zpFerrBjOuNACq1oklIU6 Speaking Up: Surviving Religions and Cults: https://shows.acast.com/speaking-up-with-andrew-pledgerSubjects that came up in discussion-Family Research Council:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Research_Councilhttps://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/family-research-councilInstitute in Basic Life Principles & Bill Gothard: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institute_in_Basic_Life_Principleshttps://people.com/who-is-bill-gothard-the-institute-in-basic-life-principles-founder-7506014Umbrella of Authority:https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2014/05/umbrella-of-oppression/Focus on the Family: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Focus_on_the_FamilyGRACE Reports: https://www.netgrace.org/investigation-archiveThe Trevor Project - Crisis Hotline for LGBTQ+ youth:https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/Finding OK website: https://www.finding-ok.com/Become a Patreon member!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKSupport the Show: https://www.finding-ok.com/support/ Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOKLetters for the Fire: https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-5/Thank you so much for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself
130:35 8/24/23
Raising Yourself
Alice Cottonsox joins me to talk about recovering from childhood abuse, battling Agoraphobia, and facing online hate with humor. Alice is very open about her mental health struggles in her viral videos and she's helping many survivors feel less alone. Alice is being her own parent and raising herself, something that we sometimes have to do post-trauma when prolonged abuse as children has robbed us of the opportunity to grow up the way we deserved.  Alice's Website: https://www.cottonsox.co.uk/Alice's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland?lang=enAlice's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alicecottonsox/Here are some of my favorites of her videos!Going Outside:https://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7197807235156757765?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7238978249345289498?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7237546556323384603?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7213016240347024645?lang=enTrauma Talk:https://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7217381847066479878?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7241885515643899163?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7191874000010743046?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7188860104647757061?lang=enAlice Being Awesomehttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7227840114544741659?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7194465830086774022?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7174066013716286725?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7155122264155884805?lang=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@alicedoeswonderland/video/7154382013007482118?lang=enHecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOKBecome a Patreon Member: https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKLetters for the Fire: https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-5/Thank you so much for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself
55:36 8/8/23
Broken vs. Wounded
Do you think of yourself as "broken" because of your trauma? What about "wounded"? My sister Chie and I discuss how the language we use to talk about our trauma intersects with our healing. This episode is an invitation to investigate the hidden meaning that some words might be holding for us. I used to think of myself as broken but gradually shifted away from that term as I healed because I realized that for me personally, it implied irreparable harm or uselessness. Chie has very different experience of the word and we share stories that might help you ask yourself some important questions. Chie  has a BA in Somatic Psychology. She is a harpist, Championship Irish Dancer, and singer. She and her partner live in the Midwest with their two puppies.Questions I encourage listeners to ask themselves at the end of the episode:1. What words do I use to talk about my pain or trauma?2. Do these words have any hidden implications that I might not have considered?3. How does my culture interact with broken things? 4. How did my family or the people who raised me interact with broken things when I was growing up?5.  How do my own experiences or medical history impact the way I think about the words, "broken" or "wounded"?6. Do the words I’m using to talk about my trauma keep me in an old thought pattern?7. Are the words I’m using to talk about my trauma healthy or useful to me? Do they need to change?8. What body system do I most relate to and why? Learn more about the history of Kintsugi and see a Master at work:https://traditionalkyoto.com/culture/kintsugi/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9LMKGte0UUPodcast Websitehttps://www.finding-ok.com/Letters for the Fire is a listener participation project and an invitation for communal catharsis and healing. Listeners are invited to write a letter to their rapist or abuser and send it to me. At the end of the Season all the letters will be read and then burned in a special episode. Learn more about how to participate here: INSERT LINKHecate's Linkshttps://linktr.ee/FindingOKJoin the Patreon!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKDonate to Finding OKhttps://www.finding-ok.com/support/Thank you so much for listening! BLM. Take care of yourself
21:00 7/25/23
Personal Update - Witches, Crows, Art, and Growth
I'm back! Welcome to Season 5! Today I'll be sharing some of what I got up to over my break, letting you know what's new in Season 5, and talking about what's alive for me in my personal healing journey right now. In March my sister Chie and I attended Paganicon 2023, an annual Pagan Convention in the Twin Cities. I know a lot of you have been waiting to hear more about this witchy gathering! I let you know which rituals, workshops, and lectures I attended and which ones were my favorites. I share some of my time at the family cabin in Wisconsin, my progress befriending my local murder of crows, joining my local printmaking studio, and a surprising moment of post traumatic growth and healing I had recently. I'm so excited to be back! Let's gooooo  Paganicon https://tcpaganpride.org/paganicon-landing-page/Laura Tempest Zakroffhttps://lauratempestzakroff.com/Art and Shophttps://owlkeyme.square.site/Omega Artworks - Ritual Bladeshttps://www.omegaartworks.com/Watchful Coyote - Jackhttps://healthecycle.com/TikTokhttps://www.tiktok.com/@watchfulcoyote?lang=enI Got Outhttp://www.igotout.org/Hecate's Linkshttps://linktr.ee/FindingOKJoin Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKLetters for the Firehttps://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-5/Support the show
52:08 7/11/23
Gratitude and Personal Updates
This is the last episode of Season 4! Today I'll be taking some time to thank everyone who made this season possible, updating you about how I'm doing, and what I'll be getting up to over break!New episodes will resume in July 2023. Just because there aren't new episodes doesn't mean there isn't new content! I'm taking time during break to practice self-care, focus on personal growth, and to doing lots of new and exciting things! You can check it out by following me on Twitch and Instagram, or joining Discord or Patreon.I livestream on Twitch multiple times a week and you can still catch me there. Thank you all so much for making this season so special. While this break happens please remember that you are not alone! Please take care of yourself! Survivor Support and Resources https://www.rainn.org/ The planner I usehttps://passionplanner.com/Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist by Ramshackle Gloryhttps://youtu.be/pC3IrqUpm9URamshackle Gloryhttps://ramshackleglory.bandcamp.com/Hecate's Linkshttps://linktr.ee/FindingOKFollow Sage on Twitch and join the weekly Twitch and Paint event!https://www.twitch.tv/sagecirceFollow me on twitch too! My paint stream is on 3/25/23https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokA friend and fellow survivor wrote this beautiful book of poetry! Check it out!https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Dare-Teach-Daughter-Forest/dp/172595933XJoin Patreon!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKThank you for listening! BLM. Take care of yourself!Support the show
57:55 2/22/23
Letters for the Fire
Letters for the Fire is a listener participation project. Listeners were invited to write a letter to their rapist or abuser, and I promised to read them before burning them in a ritual. The goal is to create a community opportunity for catharsis, release, and healing. Today I will be reading your letters so your words can be heard. A video of the letter burning ritual will be made available later. A link will be included in episode notes when it is ready.Hecate's Linkshttps://linktr.ee/FindingOKDonate to Finding OKhttps://www.finding-ok.com/support/Join the Patreon!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKThank you for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself
40:59 2/7/23
Did The Best I Could & Doing The Best I Can
Ruth is a survivor who has been facing her past and doing the work. She's a listener who is sharing some of her story and discussing some of the steps she's been taking in her life to heal. She's been meeting her trauma with courage, humanity, and grace that I know others will find inspiring. We discuss her assault by a family member, how her recent meeting with him went, her experiences within the Salvation Army Church, how Purity Culture has affected her, her struggles with suicidal ideation, and her experience with EMDR therapy. Ruth speaks so honestly and openly about the struggles we all face as survivors and I know her words and experiences will resonate with others.Ruth is a Midwesterner who enjoys music, singing, painting, and taking walks in the woods. She has an interest in studying reptiles and amphibians in the future. She has a fluffy orange cat named Wesley Besley who keeps her warm and loved on. Ruth is still in the midst of her healing journey after multiple sexual assaults throughout the first 20 years of her life. She is sharing her story to let some shame go, and to help other survivors feel less alone.Salvation Army Rules "Soldier's Covenant"https://www.salvationarmy.org/ihq/56C765982907E8E6802573B1004E4E37Salvation Army Suckshttps://imgur.com/gallery/7OZCIOMhttps://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/12/16/21003560/salvation-army-anti-lgbtq-controversies-donationsMe Too Many Voices Community Support Network - Love them! Give them a follow!https://www.instagram.com/mtmvcommunity/https://www.instagram.com/p/CgdIqU4sW3N/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_linkJudith Slaying Holofernes by Artemisia Gentileschihttps://smarthistory.org/gentileschi-judith-slaying-holofernes/Inner Decay - Where to find the patch! Let's start a gang! lolhttps://innerdecay.com/Hecate's Linkshttps://linktr.ee/FindingOKDonate to Finding OKhttps://www.finding-ok.com/support/Join the Patreon!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKSupport the show
80:34 1/31/23
Self-Care and Emotional Regulation
My sister Chie joins me to talk about our evolving understanding of self-care and emotional regulation. We are both survivors navigating life and CPTSD. I hope you'll join us for some laughter and real talk.Chie  has a BA in Somatic Psychology. She is a harpist, Championship Irish Dancer, and singer. She and her partner live in the Midwest with their two puppies.Internal Family Systems Therapyhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/internal-family-systems-therapySpoon Theoryhttps://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/Assertive Communication - DBT "Dear Man" https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.phpCurable App - Chronic Pain App (Chie recommends)https://www.curablehealth.com/?gclid=CjwKCAiA5Y6eBhAbEiwA_2ZWIaUxUI-x1o1YSUpLLMhLeSdP70UiI0-_Dd8-vDyXrLwBWAFAkjJB8xoCJmEQAvD_BwETED Talk - Music and the Brainhttps://www.ted.com/talks/anita_collins_how_playing_an_instrument_benefits_your_brain?language=enI Sing the Body Electric, Especially When My Power's Out - Andrea Gibsonhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAySTOeC2NYSupport the show
96:57 1/17/23
The Recloseted Lesbian - Processing Trauma Through Art and Storytelling
Obelis is a Lithuanian Fantasy and LGBTQ+ comic artist. Her work includes War & Tea, Meow Are You?, and The Recloseted Lesbian. Obelis tried to come out as a lesbian but was forced back into the closet by her ultra-religious, homophobic, and abusive mother. In The Recloseted Lesbian she deconstructs and processes memories from her abusive childhood. It has been read by over 21 million people on Webtoon. As she does her own trauma work she is helping survivors feel less alone. Obelis Linktreehttps://linktr.ee/ObelisThe Recloseted Lesbian on Webtoonhttps://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/the-recloseted-lesbian/list?title_no=474263Obelis on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/obelis.art/Obelis Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/obelis/postsDonate to Finding OKhttps://www.finding-ok.com/support/Join Hecate's Patreon to support the podcast and gain access to bonus content.New $1 Tier!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKHecate Livestreams!https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokHecate's new YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI7XjO5ELI7a5yuWAtcHr1QThank you so much for listening! BLM. Take care of yourself.Support the show
68:50 1/3/23
Claiming Freedom - Letting Go of Shame and Blame
Kalpashree Gupta joins me to share her journey in healing from childhood sexual abuse. We discuss letting go of shame and blame, what forgiveness means to her, breaking cycles of family trauma, and where she's found strength, grace, and empowerment.Kalpa is the CEO and founder of Knekxt Group, a consulting and coaching company helping her clients build trust, and mitigate risks while also creating internal awareness for the high achievers who, like herself, have used their achievements to deflect from dealing with trauma. Her mission is to impact 100 million lives in 10 years. Prior to that, she led several leadership roles with fortune 500 companies such as American Express, Zelle/Early Warning Services, in product and fraud risk management, including early career with GE in India, and brief stints with Bristol Myers Squibb, and Mayo Clinic in brand management and consulting. Knekxt Grouphttps://knekxt.com/Book of Forgivinghttps://bookshop.org/p/books/the-book-of-forgiving-the-fourfold-path-for-healing-ourselves-and-our-world-desmond-tutu/15542765?ean=9780062203571The Body Keeps the Scorehttps://bookshop.org/p/books/the-body-keeps-the-score-brain-mind-and-body-in-the-healing-of-trauma-bessel-van-der-kolk/6679040?ean=9780143127741Waking the Tigerhttps://bookshop.org/p/books/waking-the-tiger-healing-trauma-the-innate-capacity-to-transform-overwhelming-experiences-peter-a-levine/8303096The Drama of the Gifted Childhttps://bookshop.org/p/books/the-drama-of-the-gifted-child-the-search-for-the-true-self-third-edition-alice-miller/12380815?ean=9780465016907&gclid=CjwKCAiAy_CcBhBeEiwAcoMRHPkGNIsrj529Y5B_q_aw1bmH2V3tKRCaN0y6wXJWYOlooLVrW5i3jRoCCPkQAvD_BwEACE Test and Articlehttps://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-meanTED Talk - Nadine Burke Harris - How childhood trauma affects health accross a lifetimehttps://www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetime?language=enLetters for the Firehttps://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/Join Hecate's Patreon!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKHecate Livestreams on Twitch!https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokHecate's new YouTube! Click subscribe to help it grow!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI7XjO5ELI7a5yuWAtcHr1QHappy Holidays everyone! BLM. Take care of yourselfSupport the show
81:14 12/20/22
One Life One Heart
Michelle M. Kang is the founder and president of One Life One Heart, a nonprofit organization which helps underserved sexual abuse survivors by offering culturally sensitive community support. She has dedicated herself to creating safe spaces where survivors can feel heard, regain their self-confidence, and fulfill their purpose in life. Michelle was born in South Korea, she has PhDs in Linguistics and Education, and she is the current Dean of the School of Foreign Languages at Saigon International University in Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. In this episode she talks about how the trauma of childhood sibling sexual assault affected her, and the powerful role that faith has played in her healing. She discusses the work that she does with One Life One Heart and shares her passion for supporting survivors.One Life One Hearthttps://onelifeoneheartinternational.org/Michelle's Story - She has a book!https://www.amazon.com/dp/1543114660/Learn More: Child Sexual Abusehttps://www.rainn.org/articles/child-sexual-abuseLearn More: Incesthttps://www.rainn.org/articles/incestLetters for the Firehttps://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/Donate to Finding OKhttps://www.finding-ok.com/support/Become a Patreon Member to support the podcast and gain access to bonus content!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKTwitch Livestreams with Hecate!https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokNew Finding OK You Tube Channel!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI7XjO5ELI7a5yuWAtcHr1QThank you for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself.Support the show
74:23 12/6/22
Reclaiming Power - Talking Shit With P
Paula Mulamula is the host of the Mental Health podcast, Talk Shit With P where she focuses on real talk and breaking the stigma surrounding mental health issues. Today Paula is breaking her silence and sharing her story of surviving sexual assault and reclaiming her power post-trauma.  She also shares how podcasting helped her find her way out of depression, how faith has re-entered her life and become a part of her healing, and how self-care helps her through the difficult times in life. Paula is originally from Tanzania, she has traveled and lived all over the world and now makes her home in Atlanta, Georgia where she talks shit and is fabulous. Talk Shit With Phttps://open.spotify.com/show/0HSn3hI86EWSQmpYgBFjL9Hecate's Guest Episodes on TSWPhttps://open.spotify.com/episode/6RkdAR4VdWydlhdSU5yBEx?si=1c669cb97d8d4570https://open.spotify.com/episode/0jjng1kpPhETrFOHznlGXz?si=d-AYRUVJQCa7SkJwTzg27QTSWP Merchhttps://talkshitwithp.shop/Press on Paulahttps://canvasrebel.com/meet-paula-sima-mulamula/https://herforward.com/a-mental-health-advocate-suggests-talking-shit/Paula's Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/talkshitwithpBuy Paula a Coffee!https://www.buymeacoffee.com/talkshitwithpPaula's Linkshttps://www.flowcode.com/page/talkshitwithpTesting and Reporting Info (USA)https://www.rainn.org/articles/rape-kitJoin Hecate on Twitch 11/29/22 @8p EST for a special Finding OK Livestream Q&A with special guest, Kaitlin Bellamy from episodes "Purity Culture is Grooming Parts 1&2". Join us in chat and ask us anything! https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokFinding OK Letters for the Fire Project - Deadline for Entries is 12/31/22https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/Donate to Finding OKhttps://www.finding-ok.com/support/Become a Patreon Member to support Finding OK and gain access to bonus contenthttps://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKSupport the show
121:11 11/22/22
Healing After Family Abuse
Emi is a survivor of family sexual abuse; she was molested by a family member over a long period of time as a young kid. After spending over a decade hiding from her past she decided to try to heal from it. Her healing journey led her to starting her own podcast: Motherful: Powerful Moms, Powerful Topics. Her co-host is her best friend Kayla, together they tackle the many difficult social and mental health issues that have affected their lives and made them who they are. In this episode Emi shares her story of surviving family childhood sexual abuse, she talks about how disclosing changed her family forever, discusses the pain of discovering her abuser was being protected by a family member, shares her journey becoming a parent, explains how how podcast came into being, and shares what her healing journey has looked like.Emi is a mom, a podcaster, writer, wedding planner, a cat lover, and a survivor of sexual abuse. Motherful: Powerful Moms, Powerful Topicshttps://open.spotify.com/show/4QprfSM0CI6gUxizyVdBnK?si=06eaed550e1441c4Motherful Episodes with Emi's Story:Emi's Story: Childhood Sexual Assaulthttps://open.spotify.com/episode/5TR05HDyRD3p8dVpdDDsDaBirth Stories: Planned & Unexpected Part 2https://open.spotify.com/episode/4aiFZ05BwirzGhpbi60UkyMystery Topic: Abortionhttps://open.spotify.com/episode/6z9cmiWBBDcJpuDmZLfBmXHealing Family Traumahttps://open.spotify.com/episode/3SzSI4JKW6YV2dSEGHMZdzMotherful Social Links:https://www.facebook.com/MotherfulPodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/motherful_podcast/?hl=enCourage to Healhttps://www.ellenbass.com/books/the-courage-to-heal/Letters for the Firehttps://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/Donate to Finding OKhttps://www.finding-ok.com/support/Become a Patreon Member to support the podcast and gain access to exclusive bonus contenthttps://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKSupport the show
93:22 11/8/22
Start By Believing
Hollis Brown's platform as Miss Wisconsin USA is focused on survivor advocacy, and she’s a part of End Violence Against Women International’s “Start By Believing” campaign. Today Hollis speaks about her assault in college, how trauma changed her life, where she has found strength, and the work she’s doing in the world. Originally from Savannah, Georgia and now residing in Milwaukee, Hollis Brown is a 26-year-old sports marketer, podcast host, mentor, public speaker, model, youth educator, nonprofit founder, and Miss Wisconsin USA 2022.  For the past year she has worked with the Milwaukee Bucks where she began as a Sales Associate and was promoted to Coordinator of Partner Strategy and Management November 2021.  As a podcast host, she is able to empower young women pursuing careers and as a nonprofit founder, she provides resources to help support sexual assault victims through their journey to healing.  Hollis is a high school graduate of Savannah Arts Academy and college graduate of Virginia Tech.  For over 18 years, she trained nationally in ballet, contemporary, and tap dance.  For fun, Hollis enjoys hot yoga, solving escape rooms, and kickboxing.  Hollis will compete for the coveted title of Miss USA during the national broadcast later this year and if she wins, will advance to the internationally televised 2022 Miss Universe competition.Hollis Brown Websitehttps://www.holliscbrown.com/Hollis's Storyhttps://evawintl.org/survivor-voices/hollis-brown-2/EVAWI - End Violence Against Women Internationalhttps://evawintl.org/Vote for Hollis! - Miss USA Viewer's choice (Cost about $2)https://missusa.com/miss-contestants/More Info:The Red Zone is the period of time between mid August and Thanksgiving break. Over 50% of college sexual assaults occur during this time period. https://www.shatteringthesilence.org/red-zoneArticles explaining Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn (or Appease). This came up in the episode and I wanted to provide an explanation because we didn't talk more about it. Your response is natural, it's valid. and it's not your fault. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/202008/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-fawn-responsehttps://www.simplypsychology.org/fight-flight-freeze-fawn.htmlFinding OKhttps://www.finding-ok.com/Donatehttps://www.finding-ok.com/support/Join the Patreon to support the podcast and gain exclusive access to bonus material, a look behind the scenes, and occasional video episodes! Tier 3 members gain access to Hollis's video episode.https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK Letters for the Fire - Information and submission instructionshttps://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/Support the show
86:37 9/13/22
Purity Culture is Grooming - Part 2
Part 2 of my conversation with Kaitlin Bellamy about what it was like for her growing up in the Mormon Church and the ways that purity culture contributed to the abuse she experienced in her marriage. Purity Culture grooms people to enable, accept, and perpetrate abuse. She shares her healing journey now that she is free to be her full, authentic self.Kaitlin Bellamy is a professional actor and young adult fantasy author with a hero complex currently living in Orlando, Florida. She is an avid collector of hobbies and special interests, and hopes to someday make a living as a full time content creator. She is an autistic, polyamorous chaos witch, with a specialization in cozy comfort vibes and making other people feel safe.This episode was recorded before the most recent news broke about the Mormon Church protecting abusers and allowing child abuse to continue. The issues we discuss are very relevant and I'll be including a few articles in episode notes. I wanted to explain why these current events are not addressed directly in the episode.Please help Kaitlin afford her rent and keep her housing by donating if you can! Donation links below!LinksPixie's Website:http://www.kaitlinbellamy.com/Books:http://www.kaitlinbellamy.com/bookshop.htmlhttps://smile.amazon.com/Kaitlin-Bellamy/e/B07GK1R7FX?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1660652330&sr=8-1Donate to Pixie:https://ko-fi.com/chaospixiemagichttps://streamelements.com/chaospixiemagic/tipPixie's Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/ChaosPixieMagichttps://www.patreon.com/m/reprpgPixie's D&D Merch:https://www.reprpg.com/shopHecate's Patreon - Become a member to support the podcast and for exclusive access to bonus material. https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKDonate to Finding OK:https://www.finding-ok.com/support/Mormon Church Abuse Article:TW/CW for this article!https://apnews.com/article/Mormon-church-sexual-abuse-investigation-eSupport the show
82:53 8/30/22
Purity Culture is Grooming - Part 1
Kaitlin Bellamy shares what it was like for her growing up in the Mormon Church and discusses the ways that purity culture contributed to the abuse she experienced in her marriage. Purity Culture grooms people to enable, accept, and perpetrate abuse and assault. She shares her healing journey now that she is free to be her full, authentic self. Kaitlin Bellamy is a professional actor and young adult fantasy author with a hero complex currently living in Orlando, Florida. She is an avid collector of hobbies and special interests, and hopes to someday make a living as a full time content creator. She is an autistic, polyamorous chaos witch, with a specialization in cozy comfort vibes and making other people feel safe.This episode was recorded before the most recent news broke about the Mormon Church protecting abusers and allowing child abuse to continue. The issues we discuss are very relevant and I'll be including a few articles in episode notes. I wanted to explain why these current events are not addressed directly in the episode. Please help Kaitlin afford her rent and keep her housing by donating if you can!LinksPixie's Website:http://www.kaitlinbellamy.com/Books:http://www.kaitlinbellamy.com/bookshop.htmlhttps://smile.amazon.com/Kaitlin-Bellamy/e/B07GK1R7FX?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1660652330&sr=8-1Donate to Pixie:https://ko-fi.com/chaospixiemagichttps://streamelements.com/chaospixiemagic/tipPixie's Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/ChaosPixieMagichttps://www.patreon.com/m/reprpgPixie's D&D Merch:https://www.reprpg.com/shopHecate's Patreon - Become a member to support the podcast and for exclusive access to bonus material. https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKDonate to Finding OK:https://www.finding-ok.com/support/Mormon Church Abuse Articles:TW/CW for these articles!https://apnews.com/article/Mormon-church-sexual-abuse-investigation-e0e39cf9aa4fbe0d8c1442033b894660https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/08/10/mormon-church-child-sexual-abuse/Support the show
98:46 8/16/22
Assaulted and Stalked Abroad - A Personal Story
In 2006 I was assaulted and stalked by a monk in India. In this episode I share my journal entries recording this experience and then discuss the ways this trauma has affected my life. I discuss the intersecting issues of race, culture, and gender; as well as the importance of anti-racism work in trauma healing. I share the way that being assaulted while menstruating can affect the way trauma is embodied and experienced afterwards. During this experience I talked my way out of further violence or the escalation of violence, I share my thoughts about "manipulation" as a survival technique. Being stalked was deeply traumatizing; I share some of the PTSD symptoms I experienced, how they affected my life, and interfered with my ability to get an education. Join me on Twitch!https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokLetters for the Fire - learn morehttps://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-4/Join the Patreon to support the podcast and gain exclusive access to bonus contenthttps://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKSupport the show
124:08 8/3/22
Then and Now
In this episode my friend Sage and I listen to audio we recorded two years ago during lockdown and reflect on it. We talk about (and feel our way through) some of the very intense systemic issues we're facing in America and in the world. We talk about self-care, finding ways to keep moving forward, staying resilient, and finding ways to engage and stay hopeful.Sage is the creator of Real Human Better, a Social Permaculture course and community. She loves permaculture, compost, food made with love, deep conversation, horror movies, playing with her dog, gaming, and ITS Bellydance...our dogs are besties.Sage on Twitchhttps://www.twitch.tv/sagecirceSage on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/sagecirce/?hl=enReal Human Betterhttps://www.facebook.com/Real-Human-Better-101628431484897/?ref=page_internalJoin the Discord server! Invite link can be found on the Facebook page!Real Human Better on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/real.human.better/?hl=enMankind Projecthttps://mankindproject.org/Check out Qasim Rashidhttps://www.instagram.com/qasimrashid/Active Hope - How to face the mess we're in with unexpected resilience and creative powerhttps://www.activehope.info/Book:https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781608687107Touch Isolation Articleshttps://remakingmanhood.medium.com/touch-isolation-how-homophobia-has-robbed-all-men-of-touch-239987952f16https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/11/male-affection-and-touch-homophobia-ruins-platonic-touch-for-straight-men.htmlhttps://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-touch-isolation-how-homophobia-has-robbed-men-of-touch/Passion Planner - my favorite planner made by a small company that started as a Kickstarter.https://passionplanner.com/Hecate on Twitch! Join me for gaming, ASMR, art, and podcast Q&A livestreams!https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokJoin the Patreon to support the podcast and gain exclusive access to bonus content!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKHecate's Linkshttps://linktr.ee/FindingOKThank you for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself!Support the show
79:39 7/19/22
This Was Slightly Less On Fire When I Left...
We're back! In this episode I'll be sharing what I've been up to on my break, what I have planned for this season of the podcast, and I'll be talking about a really rough day I had last week in the wake of Roe vs Wade being overturned.Letters for the Fire is back in Season 4! This is a listener participation project. I am inviting survivors to write a letter to their r*pist or abuser and then send it to me. It's is my hope that this will help others with catharsis and closure. I want you to feel heard and to have control over the way that you're heard.  You can listen to the Letters for the Fire episode from Season 3 and check out this link to learn more about the project and how to participate:https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire/I am currently fundraising to afford a transcript service in order to make Finding OK more accessible to the deaf, hearing impaired, and neurodivergent communities. This will also help immensely with podcast growth and visibility. Please consider helping out by becoming a Patreon member or by making a one time donation via PayPal. https://www.finding-ok.com/support/You can also donate live on Twitch if you want to see me smile! Follow me to join Finding OK Q&A livestreams and join me while I edit and record new episodes...I also play games, chat, do ASMR, read books, paint, and occasionally do tattoo!https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokShout out to my Patreon Members Sedonka, Kathleen, and Betty for their incredible support and for making this podcast possible! I love and appreciate you so much!
64:08 7/6/22
Gratitude and Updates
This is the last episode of Season 3! Today I'll be taking some time to thank everyone who made this season possible, updating you about my plans and exciting new content during my break, as well as letting you know about some changes moving forward with Season 4!New episodes will resume 7/5/22. Just because there aren't new episodes doesn't mean there isn't new content! I'm taking the time during break to do lots of new and exciting things!I'm a Twitch Affiliate and you can hang out with me there all the time! New Finding OK  Q&A livestreams will be starting there soon as well! Ask me questions about your favorite episodes, suggest subjects for Season 4, and talk about the things that matter to you.I'm a variety streamer that loves Sims, Indie games, ASMR, Art, Tattoo, and Among Us. I'll be very present on Twitch during my break and I hope to see you there!https://www.twitch.tv/hecate_findingokVisit my website to get a link to join my Discord server! Join watch parties, chat, read articles, share memes and pictures of your pets! It's whatever we want it to be!Join my Patreon to gain early access to an episode that will be dropping over break, and also to the video episodes I'll be sharing as I teach myself how to edit video over break! Check it out here: https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKSupport the show
21:53 2/24/22
Letters for the Fire
Earlier in Season 3 I invited listeners to participate in a project called Letters for the Fire. It was an invitation for communal catharsis and healing. I invited listeners to write a letter to their rapist or abuser, and I would read it in an episode, and then burn all of them in a ritual. Here are the letters I received from listeners. Thank you so much everyone who has made this powerful project possible!A link to a video video of the letters burning will be shared here later on, check back later!The video is delayed due to technical difficulties. Thank you for you patience. Support:https://www.rainn.org/Support the show
45:12 2/2/22
The Assault I Don't Discuss - A Personal Story
In this episode I share my experience of anal rape, discuss the dangerous myth that boys/men/AMAB people can't control themselves, discuss consent, and talk about some of the reasons why it was so difficult for me to identify this particular assault as valid and as a rape.Sexual Assault can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Women and AFAB people experience anal rape too and it is not discussed enough. Because anal sex continues to be taboo in out culture there is an extra layer of shame and stigma that survivors of anal rape face on their path to healing. I hope that by sharing this story I can help others feel less alone.The Episode CoverThe episode cover is an actual photo of me and my abuser that was taken the year this assault took place. It is run through a filter to protect identities. Without context the photo looks innocent enough, but within the context of an abusive relationship the image changes. I was standing tall and confident and he is seen pulling at my arm to spin me around, or pull me to him. It was a moment I know must have appeared charming or romantic to outsiders.  Episode Notes:Resource for Survivorshttps://www.rainn.org/The Myths http://www.consented.ca/myths/perpetrators-cant-help-themselves/TW: This article contains graphic details of sexual assaulthttps://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/07/01/my-own-rape-shows-how-badly-we-stereotype-perps-and-victims/Support the show
47:24 1/21/22
Healing After Military Sexual Assault
Vanessa is a veteran and a survivor of sexual assault within the military. Vanessa shares her story of trauma, her feelings of shame and lack of self-worth, and her spiral into depression which nearly ended in suicide. She found strength and she has moved into a place of growth, empowerment, self-love, and healing. Vanessa is sharing her story in the hope that it will help others find their own strength and feel less alone.Episode Noteshttps://www.rainn.org/For Veterans:https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/index.asp?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=search-va&utm_content=mental-health&utm_term=veterans%20affairs%20suicide&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnuGNBhCPARIsACbnLzraUHWNq6E6eCF_zXPFw6ioOy9ZbM6Ecyjj9ZZuiEDoTEow237hYH8aAr2HEALw_wcBMore About Military Sexual Assaulthttps://www.rand.org/pubs/research_reports/RRA1318-1.html#:~:text=One%20in%2016%20women%20and,and%20one%20in%2016%20men.https://www.rand.org/news/press/2021/07/19.htmlTW for this articlehttps://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/03/magazine/military-sexual-assault.htmlSupport the show
144:07 1/5/22
Cult Recovery - Healing After NXIVM
Kelly Thiel exited the notorious NXIVM cult and shares her journey with healing and deprogramming in the aftermath of indoctrination. She has taken her power back and is helping others to do the same. Kelly is an accomplished voice actress, author, speaker, consultant, and the driving force behind her new platform, Be Glorious. Kelly was a member of the NXIVM cult and after exiting she appeared in the critically acclaimed documentary “Seduced”. She is set to release her first book in January 2022, “Unapologetically Glorious”. Kelly's Websitehttps://www.kellythiel.com/Remember to keep an eye out for Kelly's book in January 2022!Resources for Cult Recovery and Educationhttps://seduceddocumentary.com/cult-resources/Take Back Your Lifehttps://bookshop.org/books/taking-back-your-life-recovering-from-cults-and-abusive-relationships/9780972002158https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001RNPD9M/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1Headspace - Kelly's Meditation app recommendationhttps://www.headspace.com/I Got Outhttps://www.instagram.com/igotout_org/Seduced - documentaryhttps://seduceddocumentary.com/The Vow - documentaryhttps://www.hbo.com/the-vowSupport the show
68:33 12/22/21
Thriving After Sexual Abuse
Denise Bossarte is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and now she is helping others heal.  Join us for a conversation about Denise's healing journey as well as her beautiful book, "Thriving After Sexual Abuse: Break Your Bondage to the Past and Live a Life You Love".   Denise Bossarte is an award-winning writer, poet, photographer, and artist. Denise is a certified meditation facilitator and contemplative arts teacher. She is an IT professional working for a large urban school district. Denise holds a BA in chemistry, an MS in computer science, and a PhD in developmental neuroscience. Denise lives in Texas with her husband, Randy, and literary cat, Sapphira.GIVEAWAY!Post about Finding OK on the social media platform of your choice to enter! It can be a link to your favorite episode, the link to the podcast website, or a heartfelt post - tag Hecate or send in a screenshot to enter. The winner will be chosen at random and receive a signed, personalized copy of Denise's incredible book! Winner will be announced in the next episode on 12/22!Episode Notes:Denise's Websitehttps://thrivingaftersexualabusebook.com/Buy the Book!https://www.amazon.com/Thriving-After-Sexual-Abuse-Bondage-ebook/dp/B0937GR5MR/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8Join Hecate's Patreon!https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOKSupport the show
109:12 12/8/21
Deconstructing Religious Abuse
 Anna grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family as part of the Quiverfull movement. She and her six siblings were not allowed to attend school and were very isolated from the outside world. Everything about her childhood was strictly controlled, from the clothes she wore to the media she had access to. She was expected to teach herself from primarily religious texts as well as teaching and caring for the younger children. Her future was laid out for her as a submissive wife and mother to many children. She left at 19 with help from family, starting life in a very unfamiliar world with little education was daunting but also thrilling. Seven years later she's still sifting through memories. She makes videos on TikTok recounting her experiences, and has found that many other folks grew up in similar circumstances. Many kids are undoubtedly still in that situation and Anna hopes she can raise awareness and play a part in helping others.Coalition for Responsible Home Education - recommended resourcehttps://responsiblehomeschooling.org/ TikToksHomeschoolinghttps://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7025738255169604870?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/6991106244157132038?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070Growing Up in a Culthttps://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/6985522389207567622?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7003110109895347461?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7010967459436023045?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070https://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7013846570139405574?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070Being Fabuloushttps://www.tiktok.com/@spookypatootie/video/7027553385402436869?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6969742314420504070Support the show
123:56 11/24/21
Death and Rebirth Cycles - Shedding Your Skin
We all experience Death/Rebirth Cycles in our lives, periods of profound transformation and growth. These cycles are often painful and difficult. In this episode I share something that has helped me to better keep my balance and move more gracefully through these times in my own life. Finding OK has a Patreon! Join for access to exclusive posts, pics, clips, and even the occasional video episode! Listener contributions are what keep Finding OK alive
10:42 11/17/21
Coercion Isn't Consent - A Personal Story
This is a personal and raw episode where I share the story of one of my assaults. Coercion isn't consent. Two Hundred "No's" and one "Yes" is still "No".  If you have a similar story, you are not alone and it wasn't your fault. It was rape. Your trauma is valid.Episode Notes:Consent:https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consentGuest Interview with BardicSway on Twitch for RAINN Fundraiser - LIMITED TIME ONLYThis is me! Talking! with my FACE! Join Twitch to join me for livestreams! @Hecate_FindingOKPart 1https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1124490772?filter=archives&sort=timePart 2https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1124542439?filter=archives&sort=timeSupport the show
58:03 9/2/21

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