Show cover of Love and Abuse - Emotional Abuse and Toxic Behavior in Relationships

Love and Abuse - Emotional Abuse and Toxic Behavior in Relationships

Helping you identify toxic communication, emotional abuse, manipulation, and other forms of bad behavior in relationships. Love and Abuse gives you the perspective of both the victim and the perpetrator. Full of tips and advice for your friendships, family, love life, and marriage. You'll learn about covert abusive communication that takes away your power. And you'll discover how to pinpoint the specific toxic behaviors, such as narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse, before you are dragged into a game so deep you come out a shell of your former self. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook, an assessment and healing guide to help you evaluate the emotionally abusive and manipulative patterns in your relationship. Get the guide that will tell you exactly what's happening in your relationship over at loveandabuse.com. Transcripts available upon request: https://loveandabuse.com/contact/

Tracks

When the emotional abuser reaches back out after they've healed and changed
When the emotional abuser apologizes and tries to make amends with their ex-partner after they've done a lot of personal growth and development, should they expect a response from their ex? Is that expecting too much? Or is it time for all to move on and start anew?
24:34 4/25/24
Time with yourself is not only necessary, its required
You give, you adapt, and you change who you are almost to your very core... to what end? When you are overly compassionate to others, you might actually be taking away from yourself. This is as harmful to your mind as a lack of sleep is to your body. 
28:47 4/15/24
Emotionally abusive behavior is also physically painful
Victims of emotional abuse can experience physical pain from all the trauma, potentially leading to increased tolerance and resilience of harm. They can gradually lose their identity due to the abuser’s actions, becoming a shell of their former selves. 
19:31 3/27/24
When the good you do for them leads nowhere
Some emotionally abusive people don't change, no matter how much the victim of their hurtful behavior changes for them. Is there ever a point where they will be the person you want them to be? Or does anything you do really matter at all? 
22:00 3/22/24
A clever manipulation tactic that makes you believe you are the problem
There's a clever manipulation that can happen in some emotionally abusive relationships. It starts with superficial kindness and vague promises and leads to blameshifting and avoiding true accountability. This very subtle form of gaslighting will drive you crazy. I'll share with you how to spot it. 
23:01 3/2/24
When you think you're strong enough to get back into the difficult relationship
When you reach your breaking point with someone, you might make the decision to leave. During that time, you can regain your confidence and feel your power again. You might even decide to give the relationship a second chance, knowing that if you see any warning signs, you can address them right away.  That is until you are once again coerced into staying in a situation that seems destined to go down the exact same path as before. Now what?  
28:18 2/22/24
How emotional abuse can enter your life like an infection
Sometimes, you can't see the red flags before you're hurt. Emotional abuse can be like an infection that enters your body. You may not know it's there until a lot of time has passed, and you've invested a lot into the relationship. In this episode, I share how emotional abuse acts like an infection entering your body and mind and help you understand the environment in which such an emotional infection thrives. 
25:27 2/14/24
If you don't know your limits, you wont have any
It can be hard to draw a line in a toxic relationship. Don't make your emotional resilience a prison of your own making. Your personal boundaries are there for a reason. Often, the only way things will change is if you do something because they won't 
32:44 1/5/24
When they go silent and emotionally disconnect from you
When the emotionally abusive person goes silent in order to make you feel guilty and give them the attention they want, do they have a deeper motive of self-preservation? When abusers use silence to control you, there's a lot going on under the hood. In this episode, I share my personal history of using the silent treatment to control the people I claimed to love. 
35:25 11/29/23
Should you give in to their perception of you?
Some people are so wrapped up in their need to control you that they completely overlook your worth and importance. They can be so busy keeping you focused on yourself and everything you're doing "wrong," that you might actually start to believe what they're saying about you. 
36:56 11/23/23
Their past trauma and abuse isn't the immediate issue in the relationship
The emotionally abusive person can have a traumatic past. Their abusive behaviors can have an abusive origin. Is it better to help them address their past to stop their behaviors toward you? It's an important question that you should definitely want to know the answer to. 
31:53 11/3/23
How do you know when your heart is sealed?
The victim of hurtful or emotionally abusive behavior has a threshold. When they reach that threshold, their heart can seal permanently, never letting the hurtful person back in again.  In this episode, I help identify when your heart is sealed permanently. Before that happens, there's always a chance to repair a relationship that's been damaged. After that, however, the relationship may never get another chance. 
16:28 10/27/23
Is taking a break before breaking up the final blow to the relationship?
The thought of breaking up or separating from a toxic person can be a difficult decision to make. But taking a break before a breakup can bring clarity and perspective in a problematic relationship, helping you rediscover something you lost and even help decide if you really want to make that difficult decision or take a different path. 
33:51 10/12/23
How you describe the challenges in your relationship can reveal if youre being emotionally abused
The language you use to describe your relationship and how you're getting along with the other person says a lot. If you've ever wondered if you are the hurtful one or they are, the words you use can reveal just what role you play in the dynamic of an emotionally abusive relationship. 
13:15 9/6/23
Should you make a list of everything they're doing wrong and hand it to them?
What would happen if you decided to write them a loving, supportive letter outlining all of their hurtful behaviors in hopes they'll read it and finally realize they need to change? Will it backfire on you? I talk about that in this episode.
37:15 8/18/23
Avoid getting trapped into an emotional prison from which you can't escape
The cycle of high ups and deep downs in a relationship is like being trapped in an emotional prison. There are moments of freedom and happiness, followed by a constant underlying fear or worry of being trapped again. The emotional prison is created by the manipulative and controlling behavior of the person who wants to keep the person in a disempowered state. This cycle of ups and downs often forms a trauma bond, where the person seeks love and support from the same person who is causing them emotional harm.
38:57 8/1/23
What are the chances of an emotional abuser healing and the relationship surviving?
Sometimes an abusive relationship changes into a non-abusive one. Sometimes the abusive person has an epiphany and stops the behavior. Often that happens when the other person reaches their breaking point, which may be too late. But if there's still love, there's a chance. The questions are, what are the chances that the healing emotional abuser will stop the behaviors? And can the relationship heal? 
28:44 7/27/23
Why they don't stop hurting you when they see you hurting
Why do people who claim to care about us hurt us when they see that we're suffering? Shouldn't our suffering be enough for them to stop the behaviors? It's one of the most common questions I receive: If they really love me, why do they hurt me? 
28:25 6/30/23
When parents get involved in your difficult relationship
Dealing with a hurtful person is often hard enough. When they have hurtful parents, however, it gets even harder. Especially when you thought you had a somewhat good relationship with them. When their parents can't see their own child being hurtful toward you, you may not get the compassion and support you're looking for. 
34:25 5/5/23
Religious Abuse: When they use your beliefs and faith against you
Your religious or spiritual beliefs are supposed to help uplift and inspire you, not make you feel oppressed and exhausted. Religious abuse happens when people who claim to love you use your own beliefs against you to keep their power over you. 
20:41 3/31/23
When they believe they've changed
I get messages from those who are with someone who claims to have changed, but something doesn't feel right to them. What they feel is usually accurate. There are specific thoughts and feelings inside you that can help you tell if someone has actually changed and healed from being emotionally abusive, or if they still have a ways to go. 
45:34 2/17/23
LAA Insights - The kids in between the breakup from the toxic manipulative partner
When you've realized enough is enough but you're afraid that the kids will get a boatload of abusive behavior from a soon to be ex, knowing what to expect and how to respond to what happens next is the key to trying to maintain the healthiest relationship with your children.
23:10 2/2/23
The huge wall the emotional abuser puts up
Why can't they just change? Why don't they just stop hurting you? Sometimes they've built such a huge wall of protection around themselves that nothing can penetrate it. They keep doing what they're doing because they don't want you to see what's behind the wall. It's too vulnerable, and it might require them to express a part of themselves they've hidden away all their life. 
39:09 1/24/23
The battles that drain your power
The emotionally abusive relationship can be a battle. In fact, it can be a series of battles that wear you down and eventually wear you out. But at what point are you so worn out that you do something different? Some toxic relationships last for decades and there is no end in sight. There's a point in time when something has to change, or nothing ever will. And that can be a hard pill to swallow. 
55:26 12/22/22
What will it take to finally get them to stop?
The person that hurts the one they love can do the behavior indefinitely unless someone is there to stop it. Usually, that someone has to be you. Stopping it however doesn't always come easy. Sometimes the person hurting you needs a wake-up call they can't ignore, shaking their foundation so much they have to pay attention.
32:48 12/7/22
Is just functioning together good enough
Relationships can survive even when things are bad, but what about when things are never good but just functional? Is just functioning together good enough? Can you make it work?  Functioning together can make some of life easier, but not necessarily happier. I explore that topic today.  
19:52 9/2/22
When you find yourself crawling back to them over and over again
Why do we return to toxic people over and over again? It's certainly not because we love to suffer. But maybe there's more going on that should be considered. Sometimes knowing the reasons can help you stop the round trips back to someone that doesn't seem to care if you're happy or not. 
41:37 8/2/22
LAA Insights - Learning what attracts the hurtful people
Can low self-worth attract someone that makes you feel lower? Can people-pleasing attract a taker that never stops taking? There are many ways to become attracted to someone. But there are attractions that aren't always positive. It's important to know what about them makes them appealing when some qualities can be downright abusive.  LAA Insights is an addendum to the regular show that you'll find scattered in between full episodes. On Insights, I pick random emails that I haven't addressed yet and do my best to provide my insights and opinions. 
20:27 7/19/22
LAA Insights - Is he right about me being the abuser?
A special episode answering a question from someone who isn't sure if they are the abuser and if they need to work on their own abusive behavior, even though there are clear signs they are being abused as well.    LAA Insights is an addendum to the regular show that you'll find scattered in between full episodes. On Insights, I pick random emails that I haven't addressed yet and do my best to provide my insights and opinions. 
12:07 7/6/22
Bonding with people that traumatize you
Becoming dependent on someone can put you at their mercy sometimes. And if they are toxic, you are not only now dependent on them for certain things, but they make sure you continue to depend on them so you never get your wants and needs filled completely. It's like a bag of chips... you can never eat just one. You know they're bad for you, but you keep coming back. I talk about our dependencies in this episode and how they can create hard-to-break trauma bonds. 
39:28 7/4/22

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