Show cover of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen

Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen

The Confidence Coach for Mothers of Teenagers, Heidi Benjaminsen, helps women stay calm and confident while navigating the turbulent waters of parenting teens. Heidi's insight into how our brain works and what creates our emotions helps women stay OFF the teenage emotional rollercoaster and regain control over how they show up. Listen and become the model of confidence you want your children to be. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Tracks

Ep. 140 When People Hurt Us
We all are going to get accidentally and intentionally hurt by others because we’re all human.  When we do get hurt (especially when there is no intent), we need to understand the purpose of pain, the purpose of guilt and be able to sit with the discomfort of both.  We are responsible to validate and express our pain, while also NOT hurting back.  We do not need to “take away” the guilt the other person feels, even when they hurt by accident.  Guilt teaches us a lesson.  Listen to hear how Heidi managed her emotions when she was physically hurt (by accident!) recently.  Hear how this applies to the emotional pain we experience and unintentionally do to others.
12:23 07/27/2022
Ep. 139 Arrogance and Confidence
Arrogance is not confidence, although some may confuse the two and think they are the same.  Arrogant people have a low self-esteem, they are constantly comparing themselves to others and need to be better to feel good.  Confident people, on the other hand, like themselves and do not need to compare themselves outward to feel good.  Listen to Heidi explain the difference between arrogance and confidence and hear examples of how these emotions look different when we interact with the world.  Arrogance builds walls and pushes people away.  Confidence is attractive, is curious and draws people into our light.
12:48 07/13/2022
Ep. 138 Reaching Impossible Goals with Felicia Broccolo
Running a marathon, writing a book, making $1 million dollars, starting a restaurant, getting re-married… some of these feel IMPOSSIBLE to us.  But they are not impossible if we decide we REALLY want to do them.  Listen to Heidi talk with Felicia Broccolo, a coach who helps women turn the impossible into reality.  Learn how to anticipate obstacles, why goal setting is important for mothers with children and how to find your own accountability partners.   If you’d like more information about Felicia, this is her website: https://createtheimpossiblelife.com Here is her book, Create The Impossible Life and you can find that here.
29:51 07/06/2022
Ep. 137 Connecting with Questions
Asking questions that actually get your teen talking to you is a skill and one of the most powerful tools we have to create lasting relationships.  We have to remember we DON’T know what they are thinking and we have to be genuinely curious.  Listen as Heidi shares ways to change our mindset and ways to ask questions that get your teen talking.   Learn why it’s important to pause and listen and how to remove judgment from our responses.  Then prepare yourself to really hear what is on their mind!   Click here to access the 100 Questions to get your teens talking that Heidi discusses in the episode.
12:36 06/29/2022
Ep. 136 Accepting Compliments
Raise your hand if you have a hard time accepting compliments. I hope that we all have our hands raised. I know I do. But why is that? Social Scientists have a lot of ideas why, and we can talk about those in this episode, but it all boils down to why we bat that compliment away and don’t receive the nice gift that has been given to us. That’s not right, is it? It’s not a sign of humility and meekness to not accept compliments, but it is a way to not create connections in your life. Listen to this episode to find out more about how to accept compliments and why that’s important.
12:22 06/08/2022
Ep. 127 What Confident People Say
Confident people use certain words and tone of voice that reflect they are okay with who they are and that they accept their strengths and weaknesses. Confident people don't over-explain or desperately need other people to understand their choices. Confidence doesn't put other people down, which reveals our insecurities. Confident people can be happy for other people. Heidi shares many situations and phrases to use to show up confidence and when to stay confidently quiet.
19:20 06/06/2022
Ep. 135 The Ripple Effects of a Confident Mother: Alisha's Story
When a mother invests in her own confidence, security and self-love, she is in a position to “gift” these same emotions to her children.  Listen to the beautiful episode where I interview a client and friend of mine who has done some amazing work over the past year.  Alisha shares her insecurities before coaching, specifically her worry about telling her youngest daughter she is adopted.  Listen to hear the beautiful story of what Alisha learned and the impact her own growth has had on her family.
37:31 05/25/2022
Ep. 134 When Our Children Leave "The Path"
Heidi shares a story about a trip she took a few years ago, where her GPS took her off the “direct path” and a beautiful trip that unfolded.  Heidi shares many lessons from this trip about the options for worry, stress or calm and relaxation as our GPS (or the GPS of our teens) takes them on a path different from others.  Learn helpful ways to support (and not disconnect from) friends on their own paths.
19:54 05/18/2022
Ep. 133 Envy and Jealousy
Envy and jealousy are emotions that, if they drive our lives, create disconnection with others and block gratitude and love.  The more we like ourselves, the more we can manage our jealousy and love others.  Listen as Heidi gives examples of how we act when jealous (critical, shaming, talking about others behind their back, judging) including specific things we say.  Learn two tricks - one internal and one external - to turn jealousy into gratitude and confidence.
18:48 05/11/2022
Ep. 132 Putting People on Pedestals
We mentally put people on pedestals when we elevate everything about them to be amazing, perfect, the greatest of all time, etc.  This isn’t just admiring and respecting these people - this is expecting them to be perfect in all ways because they do excel in some ways.  When we do this, we create disconnection with these people we revere and we’re set up to always be disappointed - because no one is perfect.  Listen as Heidi explains why elevating people to mental pedestals is so damaging to relationships and how to equalize these relationships.  Because we all crave connection - and connection doesn’t take place on pedestals.
18:15 05/04/2022
Ep. 131 Normalizing Negative Emotions
Often we share with others how excited and happy we are to do new, exciting things... and we forget to mention that we're ALSO scared, nervous and fearful. Social media is full of excitement and we rarely post about how terrified we were as well during the adventure. Listen as Heidi shares several examples of why it is important to label and discuss the negative we feel so our teens know these emotions are normal. Knowing these emotions are normal and human will allow our teens to take action and know they aren't alone.
13:24 04/27/2022
Ep. 130 Empathetic Responses
Everyone wants to know their feelings and experiences are "okay" and normal, and we seek this validation from other people. Our teens are especially anxious that everything they are feeling is "normal". Empathy is the fuel that will ground and anchor our teens into being confident in how they are experiencing life. They desperately want to know it's okay to feel nervous, lonely, excited, scared and ALL the human emotions. Listen as Heidi teaches you why empathy is so critical to connection with our teens and what empathetic responses sound like (and don't sound like!).
17:38 04/20/2022
Ep. 129 How To Stop Guilt Tripping Teens
It can be tempting to use guilt as emotional fuel to get our teens to do what we want them to do. The danger of using guilt for compliance is this models inappropriate and immature communication and manipulation. Guilt will always create resentment and disconnection - two things we all do NOT want part of our relationships with our teens. Our teens need to see us have needs and wants. They need to see us model being able to ask for what we need and own our own emotions in every situation. Listen to hear how to stop the guilt trips and communicate clearly and directly with respect, love and connection.
17:38 04/13/2022
Ep. 128 Feeling Guilted into Doing Things
Guilt is a powerful emotional tool humans use to get other people to do things for us. But no one likes feeling "guilted" into doing things - guilt is a terrible emotion to use as fuel and it brings resentment and disconnection along with it. Listen to hear how to recognize when someone is trying to guilt you into meeting their needs and hear examples of how to effectively, directly and maturely communicate what you are, and are not, willing to do for this person.  More into at www.heidibenjaminsen.com.  A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family.
15:25 04/06/2022
Ep. 126 Taking The Initiative
Confident people take the first step, introduce themselves to others, smile, start uncomfortable conversations, apologize, invite others... confident people take the initiative. Confident people are willing to feel vulnerable and endure rejection because they want the results that come from taking the initiative - deeper relationships, more friends and connections, more money and more. Listen as Heidi shares what we fear when we hang back and examples of how to make the first move.
14:39 03/23/2022
Ep. 125 Anchoring Tool: Reacting vs. Responding
Everyday we have opportunities to either respond, or react, to our teenagers. Reacting feels out of control and creates disconnection and defensiveness. Responding requires us to anchor our emotions and take responsibility for our words and emotions. Listen as Heidi gives many examples of how to pause and get out of reaction mode. Hear phrases to use when responding and questions to ask instead of assumptions. Learn how to respond with humility, curiosity... and even when NOT to say anything at all.
16:29 03/09/2022
Ep. 124 Supporting LGBTQ Teens with Jenie Hunter
If you find yourself navigating how to support, love and accept an LGTBQ+ teen or loved one, listen to this conversation Heidi has with Jenie Hunter - lucky mother of an LGBTQ son, coach, podcaster and all around warm soul. Jenie shares her own journey, her fears, her mistakes and the enormous blessings she has being the mother of an LGBTQ child. Listen for tools of how to handle conversations and how to deepen your spiritual relationship to get your own guidance. As Jenie said... the Lord speaks to the mothers.
33:56 03/02/2022
Ep. 123 Having Faith is Hard
Life is hard. Having the faith to keep showing up, putting one foot in front of another, to face the struggles and uncertainty of a new day... is hard. In this episode Heidi shares how she has been dealing with the hard of life recently. Its easy to think other people aren't feeling the hard like you are... but in reality... we are. We just don't see what other people are carrying. If its getting too much for you, rest. And know it IS hard. You aren't alone.
08:24 02/23/2022
Ep. 122 How To Observe Your Thoughts
The first skill to anchor our emotions and beliefs is to learn how to watch and observe our thoughts. Being able to identify what is going on in our brain gives us power over what we are thinking and creating in life. Listen as Heidi explains how to stop, get still and observe what is going on in your head. Heidi teaches we are not our thoughts, we can't believe and act on everything that runs through our head. Learning how to observe and question what you are thinking brings emotional control and confidence.
12:21 02/16/2022
Ep. 121 Loving Difficult People
We all have someone in our life who seems "difficult", a child who triggers everything about us, an in-law or neighbor who constantly rubs us the wrong way. Learning how to love these people is a gift we give ourselves - WE get to feel better, we grow in our capacity to accept differences. Listen as Heidi lists many "love facts" with examples of how these truths are all tools to increase our capacity to love these "difficult" people. Which is good... since sometimes WE ourselves are that person. Happy Valentine's Day!
14:51 02/09/2022
Ep. 120 Accepting Reality
Every time we think our teen or spouse SHOULDN'T be the way they are, think that life SHOULDN'T have gone the way it did, and WISHING our circumstances were different... we resist accepting reality. Which leaves us powerless to create any future change and feel better. Listen as Heidi walks listeners through several small ways in which we resist accepting reality and how it pushes us backward. Learn how to restate sentences in our brain to SEE life and people as they are, which gives us back our power to find solutions, more forward and create peace and calm.
16:46 02/02/2022
Ep. 119 Connecting with Teens: A Conversation with Ben Pugh
There is a secret to how to connect with our teens that certified life and teen coach Ben Pugh shares in a fantastic conversation with Heidi. Listen as Ben shares that our teens think we've lost hope in them and how to change what we're thinking to feel MORE hope. Learn how to connect with our teens where THEY are and the powerful changes possible in our teens when WE change and anchor our emotions. Ben reinforces the belief that when WE change and anchor our emotions, our teens feel the change and THEY change.
38:51 01/26/2022
Ep. 118 Staying Out Of Other People's Lanes
We create most of our frustration, stress and worry by taking on problems and trying to control things that are not ours to control. By trying to direct and "drive" the lives of others, we aren't paying careful attention to our own responsibilities and control what we actually CAN control - our life, our responses, our actions and more. Listen as Heidi explains the three lanes of life (our lane, other peoples lanes and God's lane) and offers several questions you can ask yourself to help you feel more anchored and calm.
24:48 01/19/2022
Ep. 117 Borrowing Belief
One of the ways we can change what we believe is possible for ourselves is to "borrow belief" that others have in us or that others have about what is possible. When we see what others have done, we can choose to believe "it is possible for me to achieve this" or "this person believes I have the potential". Listen as Heidi teaches how to look to others or look to our past achievements to fuel our future changes. Borrowing belief is often the first step to creating a new future.
15:14 01/12/2022
Ep. 116 Becoming
At the beginning of the year, I challenge you to focus LESS on the goals you want to achieve and MORE on who you want to BECOME this year. Sure, pick a goal that seems fun. Then who you need to BECOME to achieve this. Listen as Heidi shares how to visualize a River of Becoming that has currents and obstacles in which you will BECOME someone who is committed, determined, patient, vulnerable and more.
22:07 01/05/2022
Ep 115 Anchoring Tool: I Am Feeling
When we're feeling "un-anchored" and out of control emotionally, there is a way to pivot our emotions and "re-anchor" them. Learn as Heidi teaches a tool to get control of our emotions and remind our body that WE are creating what we are feeling (not someone or something else). Listen to episode 115 to hear the importance of what we say after "I am...". because these are the things we attract into our lives.
09:01 12/29/2021
Ep. 114 My Favorite Thoughts 2021
Listen as Heidi shares the thoughts and questions that have anchored her through this year, especially a year full of disagreement and social discord. Learn how to distance our own opinions about how other people are living their life with our own opinions. Each thought and question helps get us back in our own lane and focusing on how we show up. Learn how to reflect back on this year to fuel you to grow in 2022!
11:55 12/22/2021
Ep. 113 Be Here Not There
Sitting in regret of the past or worry and anxiety about the future, robs us from enjoying and experiencing our present. In the holiday season, it's easy to rush to get things done - to think the future will be better than today. Listen as Heidi teaches us tools and questions to get our mind out of "there" and back to "here" and the present. There is beauty and gratitude in the everyday, mundane. The more present we can be in our lives, the more we can improve our overall emotional baseline.
17:37 12/15/2021
Ep. 112 Faulty If-Then Beliefs
Our brains like to make opinions and assumptions like math equations - if this happens (A plus B), then the only result is this (equals C). If my child goes to college, they will be successful. These beliefs serve us well... until they don't. Until we realize life is NOT a math equation. Life is all in the gray area, where we can't see all of the variables at play. Listen as Heidi shares several examples of "faulty if-then" beliefs that we should question. When we figure out what we ultimately want, we drop much of the stress and anxiety and create more calm.
13:47 12/08/2021
Ep. 111 Emotions To Bring To Holiday Gatherings
While you're deciding which side dish you'll be bringing to the holiday party, take some time to decide the Emotional Dishes you'll be bringing as well. Let someone else bring stress, criticism and perfectionism - we can bring other emotional vibes. Listen as Heidi shares how to bring Acceptance, Curiosity and Amusement to your holiday gatherings. Learn why these emotions will help you connect with others and thoughts to help create these more useful emotions.
17:25 12/01/2021