Often we’re told that we need to read the bible. That it would cure us of our atheism. We’re told that the bible is perfect and all answers come from the bible. Welp, let’s take a look at what the bible actually says.Every week Josh summarizes stories from the bible that Linz is hearing for the first time. There’s no easy outs on this one. No one telling us, “Here’s what the bible really means” then adding stuff that’s not actually there. No one telling us, “The culture was different” when explaining why God didn’t let us all know that women are equal. Let’s see if this is truly the Word of God or just a way for politicians to control their people thousands of years ago.You’re in for one hell of an experience. There’s incest. Uncles swapping out daughters left and right. Talking animals. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria. You’re going to love it.
Previous version of this episode was sped up. This should be better.Revelation starts heating up with the Four Horsemen, the Seven Seals, and the 144,000. There's probably more to say. I could talk about how funny we are, but that would be vain. I could talk about how funny you are, but that would be pandering. Maybe we could just pretend I had more interesting things to say here. You know who wouldn't unleash the Seven Seals on humanity? Arthur Morgan. I think that makes him better than Jesus.Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheistsWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
8/24/25 • 51:58
We finally dig into the book of Revelation! I'd say more but I'm posting this late and screw it I'm just getting this posted.Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
8/3/25 • 75:36
In our exploration of the evolution of the end times through the bible we have breached the thin gossamer layer betwixt the testaments old and slightly less old. So we're talking about Jesus stuff again.What did Paul, who was writing decades before the first gospel was written, think was going to happen in the end times? And also, sure, what did the gospels say? And also, sure, what do we think about all of that? These are all extremely good questions that almost certainly will be answered by listening to this very week's episode.I'm not phoning in these descriptions. YOU ARE!Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
7/13/25 • 71:58
Better late than never! Here's the rest of the book of Daniel in all it's "glory". Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
7/1/25 • 83:33
We start the book of Daniel. A book full of meaningful insights into what it means to think of the mind of God... or some confusing bullshit that made people feel smart by buying a scroll instead of giving a hungry guy some food. Oh yeah, just the fact they bought the scroll that the bible is based on pisses me off now. This is how militant atheism starts!The writers of Daniel pretended to foretell the future. And Christians today pretend they were talking about people they weren't. That's it! Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
6/8/25 • 112:10
Ok folks. We've said it before, but we really mean it this time, this is going to be a messed up one. We're covering the book of Ezekiel and it is NOT light reading. It is weird. It is violent. It is a little kinky. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
5/25/25 • 118:26
Happy Mother's day!To celebrate, we continue digging into the end times by going through the book of Isaiah. How does this book define the end times? There is probably more to say about this episode but it's not coming to me so here we are.By the way, we recorded these first few episodes a little while ago. We don't mention it but we are seeing your messages and comments welcoming us back. Thank you!Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
5/11/25 • 60:42
We're back! And we're going through the bible books chronologically from when they were written to see how the concept of "THE END TIMES" evolves. Because, big surprise, the bible is very inconsistent with what "THE END TIMES" means. In this episode we cover the books of Amos, Hosea, and Micah and we try to figure out what "the day of the lord" is supposed to mean.Stay tuned every other Sunday for a new episode.Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
4/27/25 • 70:37
What's up! We just wanted to check in for no particular reason whatsoever. Definitely doesn't have to do with the fist of christian nationalist fascism choking the puppy of democracy. Where do we go from here? What role, if any, does this show have in the discussion? Does Josh's voice give you the naughty tingles? All these questions and more will be asked and answered and promptly forgotten.Sources:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_and_the_woman_taken_in_adulteryWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
11/17/24 • 38:08
Welcome to the season finale! Creation is over and it's all down hill from here. We find out that Abraham wasn't the best dad. At least until he gets his son laid! That's the best way to make up for the whole sacrifice thing.Thank you for listening! Hopefully you learned something, even if it was how much of dumbasses we are. We'll be back soon, eventually, sometime.Get registered to vote! https://register.rockthevote.comWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
9/1/24 • 75:39
You think you have it hard? You think you have bad neighbors? You think you have family problems? Well, I'm Lot. A mild mannered sodomite that never bothered anyone. And I was a proud sodomite. I sought to unite sodomites in love and acceptance! To reject all the awful crap God told us to do to people. That's what us sodomites are known for. Radical love and acceptance of all. Until a couple angels from the Lord show up and everything went to hell.First my town suddenly developed a sex fueled rage aimed directly at my house, then my wife ghosted me! Next thing you know I'm kicked out with my two daughters. It's not easy being a single father of two. So sure, I drink some times. But I drink to cope. And, yes, I black out on occasion but I never let it get out of hand. And thankfully my daughters are old enough to take care of themselves and don't need me to always be the sober strong one. They're good girls after all. Maybe a little weird since their mom left and God killed everyone they knew including their boyfriends. But who wouldn't be messed up from that? I can't wait to one day read the scriptures myself and see my daughters memorialized as the pure angels they are. And hopefully they never take revenge on me for offering to throw them to a mob of rapists.As for me, I want this simple adage written on my tombstone to help others with their own grief: "Lot's had lots of loss in his life but learned leaning on laughter leads to loving living." Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
8/25/24 • 85:40
Sorry, in a rush this week. You'll have to make up your own funny quips and pretend they're in this description. On this week's episode:- Tower of Babel- We meet Abram/Abraham- A big piece of evidence that Moses didn't write Genesis.- The War of the Nine Kings- And we read an email from friend of the show, DwightFor the flood story with the sources highlighted, check out this page: https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com/resources/bible-historyWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
8/18/24 • 63:55
Have you given YOUR firstlings to the Lord? If you don't, your brother might and then where will you be? No regard from the Lord. How are you going to make it in this world without the Lord's regard? You'll end up stripping at Jezaballs for Chucky Cheese tokens!And we let the flood pour over us. Turns out there are two completely different flood stories in the bible and most people don't realize it. Speaking of which, you should check out this video for more Flood Facts (trademark)."The Pre-Biblical Origins of Noah's Flood" by ReligionForBreakfasthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw13SadIPOsFor the flood story with the sources highlighted, check out this page: https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com/resources/bible-historyWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
8/11/24 • 89:16
In the beginning, we'll lay out the building blocks of our 6000 year old universe. And explain that hard, blue shell up there that gets dark at night when you can see the holes in it, or what "NASA" calls "stars".And we talk about the first people. The lab rats in this odd experiment gone horribly infallible. Turns out not knowing right and wrong leads to sinning. Now that we know that, we must permanently punish the lab rats and their descendants forever. That's science.Eve made his pull out game weak and here we are. And Linz just texted me that food is done so this description is too. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
8/4/24 • 88:14
New 5 episode series coming every Sunday starting August 4th. We'll be covering the first half of Genesis. Insert witty jokes here. Too much crap to do today to do it myself. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
7/18/24 • 02:29
Hey folks! For our episode today we're changing things up. We're going to be switching to a more "seasonal" model. The plan is we'll get a few episodes lined up around a theme and put them out weekly. So that's the plan, but you should still listen to the episode because we're really funny when we explain it. Like funnier than I was when I just explained it, which wasn't really funny at all.Also, we got a great message from a listener named Patience!"You're beautiful." - James BluntWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
6/9/24 • 26:25
This is a special episode with two special guests. Ministers Bendr Bones and Luis Cypher, co-heads of the Satanic Temple - West Michigan. Recently, they made news by having the AUDACITY to deliver the opening invocation at an Ottawa County board meeting. And when the Ottawa County board were forced to allow the invocation local Christians lost their damn minds.Invocation Video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7kkBj0mnVMOverflow Room Video:https://twitter.com/leftofcentermi/status/1782911971936870781https://thesatanictemple.com/https://www.facebook.com/WestMichiganTST/https://twitter.com/SatanicMichiganWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
5/26/24 • 90:34
We read a selection of Psalms suggested by AI to figure out if this ancient book of songs holds up to the hype.It doesn't.Despite Josh's warnings that we might find the material repetitive and dull, we plunge ahead with open minds, only to discover that the Psalms are boring as Pshit. I don't have anything more to say about it. Why don't YOU have something to say about it?! Huh!?Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
4/28/24 • 67:36
The kingdom of Israel splits into two separate nations after the death of King Solomon. His son Rehoboam ascends to the throne and when the people ask him to not be a dick like his dad. But his friends goad him into doubling down on his dickishness. He should have listened to Nancy Reagan and just said no to peer pressure!So Jeroboam comes back from Egypt to take control of the northern kingdom of Israel while Rehoboam maintains control of the southern kingdom of Judah (oh yeah, and Benjamin).And Jeroboam decides to make some golden calves. Why would he do that? Didn't he know golden calves are bad? Does he not read his scriptures? Or is there something else going on here? Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Is that like a medical condition? Are you giving off avian pheromones or something? You should get that checked out.Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
4/14/24 • 50:20
Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
3/31/24 • 62:50
David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto.It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his father. Weird... God grants Solomon a wish and Solomon asks for wisdom and immediately regrets not wishing for more wishes. Solomon is then so wise that he starts handling parental custody disputes. But is he actually wise or is he insane?"Jesus is a biscuit. Let him sop you up." - Latrice RoyaleWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
3/17/24 • 61:20
“Was the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?” by ReligionForBreakfast – https://youtu.be/rfy6oiB_U-ACrucifying Tony Stark – https://youtu.be/V9_AeLmuRKc?t=120Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least that’s what he tells some Pharisee’s who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up.Also, Jesus is asked important questions such as if a woman clearly kills 7 brothers, all of whom she married, which one will she be married to at the resurrection.Resurrection? As in when we die we don’t actually go to heaven? Wtf? Did Jesus say that we don’t go to heaven?Jesus brings down the vibe by reminding everyone that the temple is going to be destroyed. But he seems to get it confused with the end times.We finally discuss the story of Lazarus, the real one, the one that ACTUALLY gets resurrected. And we dig into the confusion around was Mary and Martha there or just Mary?There’s a cinematic version of jewish leaders plotting to kill Jesus. And we circle back to the Palm Sunday to actually explain where the palm trees come from.Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
3/3/24 • 92:44
We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different.The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and tries to gather support by throwing a feast. Meanwhile, Solomon's mom convinces David to make Solomon king.And we hear from some Christian pastors on what these ancient government documents mean to your personal life choices today.Hope you enjoyed your VD!Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
2/18/24 • 78:12
Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all!We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles.Oh yeah! And the bible talks about aliens! We're pretty sure an ET cult has to exist because of this verse.Sorry, I feel like I just keep talking about me. How are you doing?Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
2/4/24 • 69:00
We dig elbow deep into a steaming pile of contradictions, curiosities, and constipated commentary. The unerring bible seems to glitch out on us. The all knowing, all powerful author had an apparent brain fart.2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21 tell the same story but with some pretty significant differences. Like for example, if the bible is in fact perfect, we are left with the only obvious conclusion that God and Satan are the same person. I mean, we never do see them in the same place at the same time. And if God just took off His glasses He sure would look a lot like Satan. Also, He would be beautiful and Zack would definitely win the bet with his friends when he takes God to prom. And we get into the stuff Christian authorities make up to explain it away. So that's a hoot. Anyone else notice how Xmas just comes way too early in the winter? It's supposed to be the high point but lately it's before we even get our first snow (thanks global warming!). And then it's over and we get dumped on and there's nothing to look forward to for like 3 months! I say we move Xmas to March. So when you're freezing your Marys' and Josephs' off through January and February you have Xmas in March to look forward to. God's perfect plan, my ass!Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
1/21/24 • 68:17
Fresh off overthrowing his son fresh off overthrowing him, David deals with a dick dividing his domain to dogshit. - Sheba gets the northern kingdom to split from David, but of course that doesn't last long.- David incredibly has a need to kill even more descendants of Saul. - MOAR GIANTS!!1!- And some politically charged poetryHearts and kisses, my dear. Hearts. And kisses.Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
1/7/24 • 68:57
Happy holidays all you war on CHRISTmas warriors! We're kicking back and watching that time honored 2017 classic Christmas movie, The Case for Christ. Based on the book of the same name, this follows former "journalist" Lee Strobel as he proves that the path to Christianity is paved with stupid questions.Oh yes, it makes complete sense when you set out on a quest to disprove Christianity to only focus on one part of the claim. Ignore the Old Testament. Ignore the inconsistent theology. Yes. That's how good of a reporter he is.Anyway, my mom, Jill, joins us and we had a lot of fun recording this. Hope you all are doing well and having a good time over the holidays! Yo Saturnalia! Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
12/24/23 • 70:55
We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon. A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport.We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus.We talk about the most important woman to never get any attention in bible.And Herod dies at the end in a really crazy way.Sorry, just kinda throwing this summary together this week.Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
12/10/23 • 103:10
We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels.Judas gets replaced.The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire.And the early church starts getting persecuted simply for yelling at everyone that they killed Jesus.Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
11/26/23 • 88:02
David's been kicked out of his kingdom by his son and returns to the wilderness. Luckily his son seems to have really bad advisors.We get some crazy propaganda. As always.And the feud between David and his son is resolved. David definitely had nothing to do with it.This is our last episode for about a month and a half and I'm just ready to be done with this episode description. But Happy Thanksgiving! Unless you're Native American, then we're sorry. And Yo Saturnalia! Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
11/12/23 • 75:26
