Often we’re told that we need to read the bible. That it would cure us of our atheism. We’re told that the bible is perfect and all answers come from the bible. Welp, let’s take a look at what the bible actually says.Every week Josh summarizes stories from the bible that Linz is hearing for the first time. There’s no easy outs on this one. No one telling us, “Here’s what the bible really means” then adding stuff that’s not actually there. No one telling us, “The culture was different” when explaining why God didn’t let us all know that women are equal. Let’s see if this is truly the Word of God or just a way for politicians to control their people thousands of years ago.You’re in for one hell of an experience. There’s incest. Uncles swapping out daughters left and right. Talking animals. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria. You’re going to love it.
Welcome to the season finale! Creation is over and it's all down hill from here. We find out that Abraham wasn't the best dad. At least until he gets his son laid! That's the best way to make up for the whole sacrifice thing.Thank you for listening! Hopefully you learned something, even if it was how much of dumbasses we are. We'll be back soon, eventually, sometime.Get registered to vote! https://register.rockthevote.comSend us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
9/1/24 • 75:39
You think you have it hard? You think you have bad neighbors? You think you have family problems? Well, I'm Lot. A mild mannered sodomite that never bothered anyone. And I was a proud sodomite. I sought to unite sodomites in love and acceptance! To reject all the awful crap God told us to do to people. That's what us sodomites are known for. Radical love and acceptance of all. Until a couple angels from the Lord show up and everything went to hell.First my town suddenly developed a sex fueled rage aimed directly at my house, then my wife ghosted me! Next thing you know I'm kicked out with my two daughters. It's not easy being a single father of two. So sure, I drink some times. But I drink to cope. And, yes, I black out on occasion but I never let it get out of hand. And thankfully my daughters are old enough to take care of themselves and don't need me to always be the sober strong one. They're good girls after all. Maybe a little weird since their mom left and God killed everyone they knew including their boyfriends. But who wouldn't be messed up from that? I can't wait to one day read the scriptures myself and see my daughters memorialized as the pure angels they are. And hopefully they never take revenge on me for offering to throw them to a mob of rapists.As for me, I want this simple adage written on my tombstone to help others with their own grief: "Lot's had lots of loss in his life but learned leaning on laughter leads to loving living." Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
8/25/24 • 85:40
Sorry, in a rush this week. You'll have to make up your own funny quips and pretend they're in this description. On this week's episode:- Tower of Babel- We meet Abram/Abraham- A big piece of evidence that Moses didn't write Genesis.- The War of the Nine Kings- And we read an email from friend of the show, DwightFor the flood story with the sources highlighted, check out this page: https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com/resources/bible-historySend us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
8/18/24 • 63:55
Have you given YOUR firstlings to the Lord? If you don't, your brother might and then where will you be? No regard from the Lord. How are you going to make it in this world without the Lord's regard? You'll end up stripping at Jezaballs for Chucky Cheese tokens!And we let the flood pour over us. Turns out there are two completely different flood stories in the bible and most people don't realize it. Speaking of which, you should check out this video for more Flood Facts (trademark)."The Pre-Biblical Origins of Noah's Flood" by ReligionForBreakfasthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw13SadIPOsFor the flood story with the sources highlighted, check out this page: https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com/resources/bible-historySend us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
8/11/24 • 89:16
In the beginning, we'll lay out the building blocks of our 6000 year old universe. And explain that hard, blue shell up there that gets dark at night when you can see the holes in it, or what "NASA" calls "stars".And we talk about the first people. The lab rats in this odd experiment gone horribly infallible. Turns out not knowing right and wrong leads to sinning. Now that we know that, we must permanently punish the lab rats and their descendants forever. That's science.Eve made his pull out game weak and here we are. And Linz just texted me that food is done so this description is too. Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
8/4/24 • 88:14
New 5 episode series coming every Sunday starting August 4th. We'll be covering the first half of Genesis. Insert witty jokes here. Too much crap to do today to do it myself. Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
7/18/24 • 02:29
Hey folks! For our episode today we're changing things up. We're going to be switching to a more "seasonal" model. The plan is we'll get a few episodes lined up around a theme and put them out weekly. So that's the plan, but you should still listen to the episode because we're really funny when we explain it. Like funnier than I was when I just explained it, which wasn't really funny at all.Also, we got a great message from a listener named Patience!"You're beautiful." - James BluntSend us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
6/9/24 • 26:25
This is a special episode with two special guests. Ministers Bendr Bones and Luis Cypher, co-heads of the Satanic Temple - West Michigan. Recently, they made news by having the AUDACITY to deliver the opening invocation at an Ottawa County board meeting. And when the Ottawa County board were forced to allow the invocation local Christians lost their damn minds.Invocation Video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7kkBj0mnVMOverflow Room Video:https://twitter.com/leftofcentermi/status/1782911971936870781https://thesatanictemple.com/https://www.facebook.com/WestMichiganTST/https://twitter.com/SatanicMichiganSend us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
5/26/24 • 90:34
We read a selection of Psalms suggested by AI to figure out if this ancient book of songs holds up to the hype.It doesn't.Despite Josh's warnings that we might find the material repetitive and dull, we plunge ahead with open minds, only to discover that the Psalms are boring as Pshit. I don't have anything more to say about it. Why don't YOU have something to say about it?! Huh!?Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
4/28/24 • 67:36
The kingdom of Israel splits into two separate nations after the death of King Solomon. His son Rehoboam ascends to the throne and when the people ask him to not be a dick like his dad. But his friends goad him into doubling down on his dickishness. He should have listened to Nancy Reagan and just said no to peer pressure!So Jeroboam comes back from Egypt to take control of the northern kingdom of Israel while Rehoboam maintains control of the southern kingdom of Judah (oh yeah, and Benjamin).And Jeroboam decides to make some golden calves. Why would he do that? Didn't he know golden calves are bad? Does he not read his scriptures? Or is there something else going on here? Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Is that like a medical condition? Are you giving off avian pheromones or something? You should get that checked out.Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
4/14/24 • 50:20
Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
3/31/24 • 62:50
David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto.It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his father. Weird... God grants Solomon a wish and Solomon asks for wisdom and immediately regrets not wishing for more wishes. Solomon is then so wise that he starts handling parental custody disputes. But is he actually wise or is he insane?"Jesus is a biscuit. Let him sop you up." - Latrice RoyaleSend us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
3/17/24 • 61:20
“Was the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?” by ReligionForBreakfast – https://youtu.be/rfy6oiB_U-ACrucifying Tony Stark – https://youtu.be/V9_AeLmuRKc?t=120Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least that’s what he tells some Pharisee’s who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up.Also, Jesus is asked important questions such as if a woman clearly kills 7 brothers, all of whom she married, which one will she be married to at the resurrection.Resurrection? As in when we die we don’t actually go to heaven? Wtf? Did Jesus say that we don’t go to heaven?Jesus brings down the vibe by reminding everyone that the temple is going to be destroyed. But he seems to get it confused with the end times.We finally discuss the story of Lazarus, the real one, the one that ACTUALLY gets resurrected. And we dig into the confusion around was Mary and Martha there or just Mary?There’s a cinematic version of jewish leaders plotting to kill Jesus. And we circle back to the Palm Sunday to actually explain where the palm trees come from.Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
3/3/24 • 92:44
We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different.The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and tries to gather support by throwing a feast. Meanwhile, Solomon's mom convinces David to make Solomon king.And we hear from some Christian pastors on what these ancient government documents mean to your personal life choices today.Hope you enjoyed your VD!Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
2/18/24 • 78:12
Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all!We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles.Oh yeah! And the bible talks about aliens! We're pretty sure an ET cult has to exist because of this verse.Sorry, I feel like I just keep talking about me. How are you doing?Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
2/4/24 • 69:00
We dig elbow deep into a steaming pile of contradictions, curiosities, and constipated commentary. The unerring bible seems to glitch out on us. The all knowing, all powerful author had an apparent brain fart.2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21 tell the same story but with some pretty significant differences. Like for example, if the bible is in fact perfect, we are left with the only obvious conclusion that God and Satan are the same person. I mean, we never do see them in the same place at the same time. And if God just took off His glasses He sure would look a lot like Satan. Also, He would be beautiful and Zack would definitely win the bet with his friends when he takes God to prom. And we get into the stuff Christian authorities make up to explain it away. So that's a hoot. Anyone else notice how Xmas just comes way too early in the winter? It's supposed to be the high point but lately it's before we even get our first snow (thanks global warming!). And then it's over and we get dumped on and there's nothing to look forward to for like 3 months! I say we move Xmas to March. So when you're freezing your Marys' and Josephs' off through January and February you have Xmas in March to look forward to. God's perfect plan, my ass!Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
1/21/24 • 68:17
Fresh off overthrowing his son fresh off overthrowing him, David deals with a dick dividing his domain to dogshit. - Sheba gets the northern kingdom to split from David, but of course that doesn't last long.- David incredibly has a need to kill even more descendants of Saul. - MOAR GIANTS!!1!- And some politically charged poetryHearts and kisses, my dear. Hearts. And kisses.Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
1/7/24 • 68:57
Happy holidays all you war on CHRISTmas warriors! We're kicking back and watching that time honored 2017 classic Christmas movie, The Case for Christ. Based on the book of the same name, this follows former "journalist" Lee Strobel as he proves that the path to Christianity is paved with stupid questions.Oh yes, it makes complete sense when you set out on a quest to disprove Christianity to only focus on one part of the claim. Ignore the Old Testament. Ignore the inconsistent theology. Yes. That's how good of a reporter he is.Anyway, my mom, Jill, joins us and we had a lot of fun recording this. Hope you all are doing well and having a good time over the holidays! Yo Saturnalia! Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
12/24/23 • 70:55
We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon. A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport.We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus.We talk about the most important woman to never get any attention in bible.And Herod dies at the end in a really crazy way.Sorry, just kinda throwing this summary together this week.Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
12/10/23 • 103:10
We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels.Judas gets replaced.The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire.And the early church starts getting persecuted simply for yelling at everyone that they killed Jesus.Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
11/26/23 • 88:02
David's been kicked out of his kingdom by his son and returns to the wilderness. Luckily his son seems to have really bad advisors.We get some crazy propaganda. As always.And the feud between David and his son is resolved. David definitely had nothing to do with it.This is our last episode for about a month and a half and I'm just ready to be done with this episode description. But Happy Thanksgiving! Unless you're Native American, then we're sorry. And Yo Saturnalia! Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
11/12/23 • 75:26
Ugh uhhh ugh. Ughg ghgggh uggghhh ughg guhg. Ugh ghhhgh ugh God ughg. Ugh ugh ghgugh ugh bible bullshit.Ughg ugh uhghghg ghg ugh. Ugh gugh ugh David. Ugh ugh ghgugh fucked up rich kids.Ughghghg ugh ghughg ugh runs like a wuss. Ugh gghgu ugh gugh incest rape. Ugh ghgh uguhg the speaker of the national house of representatives gets his moral guidance from this book.Ugh. Just fucking ugh.Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
10/29/23 • 81:24
Welp, talk about a roller coaster. We start with David getting God's promise to have a descendant on the throne forever (fingers likely crossed), to adultery, murder and divine infanticide. But dudes in dresses reading children's books, that's the problem?It's the story of Bathsheba. And by the story of Bathsheba, I mean she was present for some events that David was pretty much doing. Finally, we discover, yet again, that the God of the bible has no problem with abortion. Queue up the Leonard Cohen, and sink your ear teeth into our podcast cake.Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
10/22/23 • 92:56
Like with all the other enemies of David, things really fall apart for Saul's son, Ishbaal. I won't spoil anything but he dies and David becomes king of the entire land of Israel and Judah. We start really getting into 1 Chronicles and talk about where the book came from and the differences with the books of Samuel and Kings.We find out that David really can't stand the blind and lame. Therefore, he wants his people to attack the Jebusites by climbing up a well. That's the kind of reasoning the bible contains.David gets jiggy wit it big Willie style. Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
10/15/23 • 76:42
We kick off 2 Samuel with David "mourning" for his dead "friends" that he "didn't have killed". And actually immediately we start with a completely different version of how Saul died. Which kicks off the bullshit parade of David being absolutely perfect and having no malice for his enemies who just happen to keep dropping dead as soon as he leaves the room.It turns out Saul had another son who didn't die on the battle field, named Ishbaal. We start seeing Ishbaal wasn't really the fighting type, at least as far as the writer wants us to think. But while David is crowned king of the southern kingdom of Judah, Ishbaal is crowned king of the the northern kingdom of Israel.But it doesn't take long for Abner, Saul's commander, to turn on Ishbaal. Which works out great for him. Also, David demands to have his first wife, Ishbaal's sister, returned to his possession and she is, much to her current husband's lament. Toodles!Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
10/8/23 • 71:55
Between Linz having a migraine and our self isolating due to a COVID exposure, this episode was doomed to be amazing. This is the third installment of our 4 part series on the Book of Acts and it starts with a freakin' wizard! A wizard named Bar-wait for it-Jesus! In the middle of cursing the wizard, Saul changes his name to Paul and will never be called by his dead name again.We find out Jesus' preferred penises. There's some trouble in paradise when Mark (last name Ono, we're guessing) drives a wedge between Barnabas (who I guess is John Lennon in this analogy) and Paul (guess which Beatle he is). Next thing you know, their little band breaks up. Paul contends with the UNKNOWN GOD. He literally kills a guy with boredom. And then decides he's going back to Jerusalem.It's a high energy, high octane, high on Jesus episode!Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
10/1/23 • 99:00
We're taking a break from the bible to learn a little about some ancient superstitions. Well, OTHER ancient superstitions.Have you ever had a baby give you menacing grimace? Has an ex-lover given you a chilling side-eye? Have you ever been some where in public and possibly had someone look at you even without your knowledge? THEN YOU MAY BE CURSED! But don't worry. I have a charm to sell you that can take it away. It's called a Hamsa Hand and it blocks the Evil Eye.This superstition soaked into the Jewish, Christian, Islam, Hindu and pagan religious beliefs. Where did it come from and why is everyone so scared of it? No really, I'm asking. Because we don't know.Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
9/24/23 • 61:44
We wrap up the book of 1 Samuel and even though Samuel has been dead for a while he's not going to let that stop him from showing up in his own book.David's town gets raided but luckily the raiders are much better people than David is. They leave all the women and children alive when they take them. Then David shows up to take them back and kills all of their people. But at least he's not a dick to the folks watching the purses while they're gone!And Saul comes to a tragic end in battle. Weirdly he dies in battle with the people David has been hanging out with for a while. Hmmm...Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
9/17/23 • 42:50
David goes on the run from Saul! Ducking his attempts to capture him and living life as a fugitive. Just like that Harrison Ford movie. What was it called? Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull?Good thing for Saul, when David gets a chance to kill him he chooses not to. And Saul sees the errors of his ways, forgiving David for the wrong doing he didn't do and let's him go. Good thing for Saul, when David gets a chance to kill him he chooses not to. And Saul sees the errors of his ways, forgiving David for the wrong doing he didn't do and let's him go. See how annoying it is when stories repeat?Also, Samuel dies. Like the guy who the book is named after. But let's not dwell on that.And Lindsay insists that women are not fruit. Josh is dubious. Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
9/10/23 • 67:44
BREAKING NEWS: Saul sours on short sultry servant, David!See! I could have written headlines during bible times. Talk about a short honeymoon period. David gets done killing Goliath and immediately some school girls come up with a jump rope song about David killing more people than Saul. So Saul gets all agro and starts throwing spears around willy nilly.Meanwhile, David finds love with Saul's son, Jonathan. Unfortunately, Jonathan seems like he must be prettier than he is smart. He comes up with convoluted ways to determine if his dad (who is actively throwing spears at David) is mad at David. So weird, but hey, no one's in-laws are perfect, right?Send us a textSupport the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.comReddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheistsYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfa
9/3/23 • 70:32
